The PreDemora Discussions
by justok
Summary: Nyota says Hikaru belongs on a recruitment poster. He's the perfect officer, capable, brave, resolute. Of course, some would say rigid instead of resolute, and his competitiveness is kind of compulsive, but you can't be perfect without a little perfectionism. Hikaru prepares for everything. These are the stories of the months he spent preparing for fatherhood.
1. Introduction

Introduction

The PreDemora Discussions

May 2, 2259  
Starbase 1

"Mr. Sulu? Are you awake sir?" A hand grasped his shoulder and shook him gently.

He opened his eyes slowly. It was a struggle, they felt sticky and rough. He focused, and made out a young woman in red, who smiled down at him kindly. He remembered where he was, sat up straighter and said, "I must have fallen asleep. Thanks, I'm awake now."

"Sir, your shuttle is boarding. I didn't want you to miss it after all the trouble you took to get here."

He remembered, she was providing security in the nearly empty waiting area of the shuttlebase. They had talked while she had checked his documents when he arrived. It seemed like it had been a long time ago, but it could only have been a few hours. He reached for his duffel, and stood up. He looked around and saw that most of the other passengers were already in the shuttle. He couldn't recall the young woman's name, so he said, "Thank you, ensign, I would not want to miss it, no," and started toward the line.

"Sir? Mr. Sulu?" The young woman called. He turned back. She came a little closer and said, "Sir, it was an honor to meet a member of the crew of the Enterprise."

"Really?" he asked doubtfully. She nodded. He cleared his throat and said, "Okay, um, nice to meet you too."

"I want to thank you for your service sir."

This happened occasionally, he never seemed to get better at accepting it. He said, "Um, you're welcome. Thank you for yours."

"There's no comparison sir. I was still at the academy last year. I could see the drill from central security. I owe you my life."

"Oh, well not me specifically, really."

"Could I shake your hand?"

"Sure, I, sure." Feeling incredibly awkward, Hikaru stuck his hand out.

She grasped it, and then said, "holo?' hopefully. He nodded and she swung closer to him. She held up a PADD and clicked. He had a brief glimpse of her smiling face with his swollen, sleepy one hovering above it.

"Thank you so much sir," she said happily.

"I, uh, you're welcome, I've got to, I better go," he said, gesturing toward the shuttle doors.

"Yes, I've taken up too much of your time, again, thank you sir, and good bye."

He nodded and hurried to the door, duffel bouncing against his hip. The steward smiled and said, "You're the last one."

"Sorry," he said, then grabbed his PADD and shoved his bag into a storage bin. He slipped into the empty seat below it and let the safety harness fasten itself.

"I don't believe I've seen you on this shuttle before," said the man next to him. He was older, and wore the blue tunic of the science division.

"No," Hikaru replied. "I've got leave. I'm headed home."

"So, this isn't your first warp flight?"

"No," Hikaru replied, squinting at the man's uniform, trying to make out his rank. "Not even my first one today commander."

The man looked out the port at the crew finishing the flight check. "I take this shuttle every weekend. It never ceases to amaze me. We'll be home in five hours. The longest part is after we get to our solar system. That is something, isn't it?"

"Yes sir," Hikaru said.

"Did you come far?" asked the man.

"Today, not so far," laughed Hikaru, "But 48 hours ago I was on a starship in the Chi quadrant. I transported from there to another starship, spent five hours on her, then transported to Starbase 5. From there I caught a commercial shuttle to Thu, where I got a jump seat on a reconnaissance flight that was going to Beta Thu, where I transported to the research facility at the end of their space. I waited there until I could catch a ride on a supply ship bound for here, and in five hours I will be in San Francisco. It's been interesting, but I am ready to be done."

"Impressive! I guess you are not worried about going to warp on a short shuttle ride then."

"No, not really," Hikaru agreed.

"That's a lot of traveling. You must really want to get home. What's the occasion?"

Hikaru took a deep breath. "I am going to be a father," he said.

"Congratulations!" the older man said, sticking out his hand.

Hikaru shook it. "Thank you," he said.

"Your first?" asked the man.

"Yes, our first."

"I should stop talking and let you rest while you still can. You are going to be busy, happy, but busy. Congratulations again." They man smiled again, then busied himself with a PADD.

Hikaru tried to go back to sleep, but his mind was spinning. He began to make a plan, an activity that he usually found soothing. In his head he started to list the things he would need to do once he arrived in San Francisco. Number 1, he thought, grab duffle bag. Number 2, get through customs. Number 3, find transport. Number 4, get to house, 5, talk to Ben.

He wanted to go on, but there was no way he could know what would happen after that, and he knew thinking about the many possibilities would only make him anxious. He sighed, and decided to read instead. He opened his PADD. A file labeled BAGF caught his eye. He touched the screen. Once open, the file's real title appeared, Being a Good Father. He read the eight points, then tapped the screen with his stylus a few times. He sighed, then reached up to close the file. But he paused, tapped the screen again, and then wrote quickly: 9. Don't say shut up. Immediately, he felt a little better. As always, writing down a goal made him feel like he had already accomplished something.

He read the list again. It was good, he thought, although now it wasn't finished. All his lists ended in an even number. Adding a ninth point meant he had to add a tenth. Still, the addition was worth the extra work. He wanted his daughter to feel listened to. No, he corrected himself, he wanted his daughter to be listened to, and she would be more likely to speak up if he never suggested she shouldn't.

He looked at the list again. He had been writing ones like it all his life, it was one of the ways he stayed organized, but this one he had found hard. He had started it months ago, in sickbay, when he'd woken up surprised to be alive after the fight on Yer. He'd been grateful to have lived, but that hadn't inspired the list. Neither had it been an effort to fulfill a desperate pledge he'd made to some deity. Truthfully, the captain had inspired him.

Nyota often said Hikaru was too competitive, and he supposed she was right. Captain Kirk had been injured too, and lying in the next bed. He'd probably been teasing when he had said that he would make a better father than Hikaru. It hadn't mattered, Hikaru had considered it a challenge. He had decided right there and then, that no one would ever question his credentials again.

He'd approached perfect fatherhood just as he did every goal, with intensity and focus that bordered on compulsion. For months he'd read parenting guides and psychological texts, done research on infant care and discipline styles. He'd reached some conclusions, but he'd only written them down after Ben had gotten Nyota to make that ridiculous vid where the whole crew had conspired to make him consider fatherhood. Watching it had made him feel there was too much to remember.

He leaned back, and tried to recall the precise inspiration for each point. The first one was easy. They'd stopped at a starbase for the very first liberty on the new ship. He'd called Ben, heard about the baby, and then discussed it over drinks with Nyota. He frowned. It hadn't been just the conversation, he thought, it had been everything he'd seen that day. He settled into his seat, closed his eyes, and remembered.


	2. Chapter 1 Over Drinks

1\. Teach All Necessary Life Skills

A Quiet Talk, Over Drinks

August, 2258  
Starbase 3

Hikaru watched Rand leave with Hendorff, already laughing as the door slammed behind them. She wasn't alone, he thought, so he had managed to accomplish at least one useful thing today. He turned to Nyota and asked, "I know I said I was going back to the ship, but how about we grab a drink?"

"Definitely," she said. He gestured for the waiter.

When their cocktails came, Hikaru took a sip and said, "I'm exhausted."

Nyota laughed. "You were busy today. You had the conn for alpha shift, came down to the communication center, spent two hours setting up a fifteen-minute conversation with your husband, found our navigator, talked him off the ledge, got him dressed, fed, and on his way to his first big boy party, kept Janice safe, and me from killing Rudolph. That's a lot for one day. You never did get to finish your garden tour."

Hikaru shrugged. Put that way, it did seem like a lot.

She watched him for a few second, then smiled mischievously and said, "So Pavel's date is amazing."

"Amazing," agreed Hikaru.

"Did you see Janice's face when you said that? She really wanted to call you on it."

"But she didn't," Hikaru said smugly, "because she wasn't sure, and that was the point."

"Tell the truth, weren't you a little nervous someone would ask what made her so amazing?"

Hikaru laughed guiltily. "A little, yeah."

"You know Janice will probably repeat every word to the whole Yeoman Corps?"

"I'm counting on it actually, it's my little gift to him. Hopefully he has enough sense not to give anyone any real details."

"Or mention she's McCoy's daughter," Nyota said.

"No. It's better if the doctor never knows."

Nyota said wistfully, "I can't believe he agreed to go. He's usually so shy."

Hikaru wondered if life had really been that different for her. He said, "He's not even eighteen, and his interests include theoretical physics. I doubt anyone that good looking has ever talked to him before in his life. He's not thinking."

Nyota frowned, took a drink, then said. "Yes, she is pretty. Why does that always matter so much? Couldn't he like some nice, quiet girl?"

"Nyota, the nice quiet ones don't ask him to dress up in civilian clothes and escort them to parties."

"Yeah, what was that about?"

Hikaru asked, "What is it with you girls? First Janice and now you? It is not that astounding that someone would ask him out."

"What? No! I meant, what's wrong with his uniform, he looks cute in it."

"Oh. I think Joanna hopes he'll relax if he's out of uniform. I definitely got the impression she's planning to help him relax."

"I don't want to think about that." Nyota said with a sigh. After several seconds she asked, "Is Janice always that hard on him? She basically implied no one could be interested in him."

"She didn't imply, she said it."

"I couldn't hear his response. The security guys clearly thought it was funny."

Hikaru almost laughed thinking about it. He wasn't sure Nyota would enjoy it as much, but he repeated the exchange. "She said 'I'm impressed you got anyone to go anywhere with you. What's wrong with her?' and he said, 'Nothing, however, I would prefer someone more like you and your friends. You know, what is the word? Stupid.'"

Nyota's eyebrows shot up. "He didn't understand what he said."

"He absolutely did. Don't let the accent fool you. He says things like that all the time, just not usually loud enough for everyone to hear. Haven't you ever heard the two of them go at it on the bridge?"

"You know," Nyota said, "sometimes I get the impression I am the only one that does any actual work on the bridge."

"They're brutal to each other, but he takes on anyone else who hassles her, and she's the same. You heard her, after insulting him all evening she asked him to go dancing. I don't know. Maybe they like each other way down deep." He paused and then added, "I think they are competitive for the attention of our leader."

"Kirk wasn't even here."

"No, but, it's a habit now. Pavel, as we know, admires everything about the captain. Sometimes I think Janice maybe has a little crush on him. I can't think of any other reason she should resent Pav. I think maybe she's envious that Kirk respects him, and he envies her daily access to the captain's life." Hikaru took another sip of his Manhattan and added, "You know, that makes it sound sibling like. Weird to think of Kirk as a father figure."

"Oh no," Nyota said. "He's not the father figure, he's maybe the older brother. You're the father figure."

Hikaru laughed.

"You are. Think about it. If I had told Janice not to go to the clubs alone, she'd have torn my head off. If the captain did, she would've laughed and invited him along. You, she made a point to show she listened. And I don't even know where to start on Chekov. You should have heard yourself." She copied his voice, 'Just say it Pav, we'll listen.' You may as well have called him son. Someday you're going to be the perfect dad."

Hikaru looked at his drink and said softly, "I can't believe we are having this conversation."

"Why?"

He hadn't intended to say anything, but he was tired, and drinking, and the afternoon with his crewmates had denied him time to think about it quietly. He scooted a little closer and said, "Do you promise not to say anything?"

She nodded.

He looked around, although he knew there was no one else in the room who would want to hear. "Do you know what Ben and I were talking about today?"

"No."

"His sister is pregnant. That's what he wanted to tell me. She is carrying it for us, carrying her for us. We decided to have a girl."

"Hikaru! That's wonderful! Congratulations!"

"Thanks." He toyed with his drink again.

Nyota looked at him appraisingly. "You don't seem that happy."

"No. I'm happy. I guess. Ben wanted things to be traditional, it's cheaper and he thinks it will be cozier somehow."

"And?" she asked.

He sighed. "I'm little worried."

"Do you realize I've never heard you say anything like that before? You're the most resolute guy I know."

Hikaru sighed again.

Nyota touched his arm. "You fell in love and got married, having a child is usually the next step."

"Yeah," he said uncertainly, "usually."

"What's wrong Hikaru? Did you accidentally leave having children off your "Achieving a Happy Life" list?" she teased.

He tried to keep his voice light, so she wouldn't know how much it bothered him that she didn't understand. "I know you don't think that's important, but it means I didn't plan for it. I like things planned."

Nyota frowned. "Hikaru, seriously. Make a new list and put 'be a father' at the top."

"You can't set goals retroactively Nyota. Life doesn't work like that."

She shook her head. "Sometimes life works best just stumbled into and enjoyed. Lists are organizational, not directional."

"Says the woman who broke her calendar into fifteen-minute intervals at the academy."

"I am so sorry I ever told you that."

"Why, that's how I first recognized you as a kindred spirit."

She laughed, but said seriously, "Truthfully, I didn't plan any of the things that make me happiest right now."

Hikaru decided there was nothing to lose at this point by being honest. "I'm not sure I'll be a good father. I get less sure the more I think about it."

"Hikaru, yes, you will."

He toyed with his drink, then said, "To make captain I'll need to be gone a lot. We'll never be a traditional family. Is it fair to bring a child into that?"

"Other people do it."

"Yeah, like McCoy. What if our kid turns out like his? Even her comms are rude. She basically ordered Pav to show up at her convenience."

Nyota said reassuringly, "You've hardly met her. We had dinner with them last night. She seemed smart, and funny. Besides, Leonard and her mother don't get along. That's hard on a child. You and Ben have a great relationship."

"When we're together, which we will be for maybe two weeks in the next six months. It's hard now, a child will only make it harder. It was one thing to daydream about this while I was stationed in San Francisco, the reality is I'll never be around."

"There are options. You could captain something smaller, and get home more often."

"I want to captain a starship, that's my goal, and it will take years. But even leaving that out of the equation, there's other problems."

"Like what?"

He tapped on his fingers. "I hate mess, disorganization, confusion. I need a lot of privacy. I have a short temper. I hate being awakened early. I hate long talks about anything, but especially you know, love and stuff."

"So, you'll need to compromise, especially about you know, love and stuff."

"I'm not demonstrative, not at all. My parents are reserved, and I make them look effusive. I don't kiss in public. It makes me uncomfortable. I didn't even kiss Ben at our wedding, I meant to, but I got stressed and turned my head. He missed, and pecked at the air. People laughed, the holos look ridiculous. He still mentions it every time he gets drunk. Does that sound like I should be a father?"

"Hikaru."

"It didn't even occur to me that cozier would be better for a fetus."

"Stop." She studied his seriously, then said, "Pasha would agree with me."

"How would he know?"

"Hikaru!"

"I don't do anything for him I wouldn't do for any other friend."

Nyota said, "Then you are weirdly paternal with your friends. I like him too, but I didn't even notice him hyperventilating in the park. If you hadn't come along, he'd still be there. I don't get the panic attack over buying jeans by the way."

"He was just a little overwhelmed, he'd have figured it out eventually."

"It makes no sense. He's an officer on a starship, he gives people orders."

"Not very convincingly,"

Nyota refused to be distracted. "He helped save the universe, but he can't walk into a store?"

Hikaru tried to explain, "He hates to do anything wrong and it's hard for him to ask for help; that's not a good combination. The clerk laughed at him."

Nyota cocked her head doubtfully. "He had no idea what size he is."

"Uniforms are replicated, why would he need to know his size?"

"He should know."

"You're not strengthening your argument Nyota, he's another one damaged by bad parenting. Well, for him, really more non-parenting, but still. He's had this amazing education, but the focus was definitely on getting him ready to be useful."

Nyota chuckled.

 **"** Ben thinks it's funny too, but it bothers me." He tried to explain. "For instance, I invited him over while we were in dry dock. We don't normally entertain teenagers and Ben was nervous, but it turns out, Pav was more nervous. He wanted to be sure he'd have something to talk about, so he went over to the university and read Ben's thesis."

Nyota started to laugh.

"Ben said Pav understood his research better than his major professor had. They talked for hours. It was like the most boring chemistry convention ever; I considered sneaking out the bedroom window. Instead, I told Ben to start cooking so we could wrap up the evening. Pav followed him into the kitchen, he probably wanted to talk theoretical catalysts or something, but when he saw what was happening, he just stood there and watched like the stove was a stage. Ben poached some eggs, that's boil water and throw in an egg Nyota. When he lifted them out, Pav acted like it was magic, like Ben had made gold out of lead or something. It turns out Pav has never cooked, not sort of not cooked much, he'd never even seen the kitchens of most the schools he lived at. I guess his handlers didn't consider being able to feed himself likely to benefit the Federation."

She smiled softly, "How can you think you won't be a good father? He's so lucky you look out for him."

"I don't. I hang out with him because I enjoy his company. Sure, occasionally he's a little unsophisticated, but usually I forget how young he is. He's a good guy."

"Hmm, I guess," Nyota said, "but we are getting away from the big topic. This pregnancy wasn't an accident. If you were ambivalent, why did you participate?"

Hikaru ran his finger around the top of the glass. "Ben wanted a baby so much, I agreed. We did it right before I left San Francisco. I was fine with it then, and it's done. I need to just stop thinking about it." his voice trailed off uncertainly. He tried again. "I want Ben to be happy. He smiled ruefully and added, "I planned to make him happy."

Nyota laughed, "Then indirectly, it's on your list, you can relax."

"I'd like a family. I just don't know how good it is to make one when I only plan to drop in occasionally."

"You'll make it work."

"I don't know. I never know what to say to our nephews. I'm pretty much done after 'How's school?'"

She shrugged and said, "Talk about plants."

He smiled at her, "I never get the impression you enjoy hearing me talk about plants."

She patted his arm. "By the time the baby is old enough to understand how boring it is, you'll have had time to come up with some other topics." She leaned closer and said, "Hikaru, you are kind, and very reliable. Those are the most important qualities. Maybe it won't be easy, but you do hard things gracefully every day. You'll be great."

"Thanks, Nyota. I appreciate it, really."

She raised her glass. "To Hikaru, who will be a great father."

He grimaced, raised his drink, and added morosely, "Hopefully."

She frowned. "We better drink to the baby."

He tapped her drink and said, "To the baby, I promise to teach her how to buy jeans."

"And boil eggs," Nyota added.

"The necessary life skills," he agreed.

They drank, he signaled for another round, and then said, "Your turn."

"What do you mean?"

"You were nervous all afternoon. What's up?"

She sighed, "Your super dad instincts told you."

He sat up straighter and said in a deep voice, "Young lady, it is time we have a little talk."

She laughed, took a sip, and then said quickly, "I gave Joanna McCoy Pasha's contact information. Now I'm not sure it was a good idea."

Hikaru said, "I didn't see that coming. Why didn't you just tell him?"

"I don't know, he was so unhappy, I wasn't sure how he would react and I didn't want to push him over the edge in public. I will tomorrow. I feel guilty."

"It's not that big of deal. He won't care. But, you're usually so big on privacy, what made you do it?"

"I don't know. She wanted it."

He frowned skeptically, she took another drink, and then said, "No, that's not why. I felt badly for him."

"For him? What do you mean?"

"I told you Spock and I went to dinner with the captain and the McCoys last night. On our way, we ran into some of the younger crew members. She recognized him. I guess he gave her a tour of the ship back in San Francisco."

"I didn't know that."

"Her father forgot too. But Pasha remembered. They were happy to see each other. He kissed her."

Hikaru shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "They do that more where he comes from. I've told him not to, but he forgets."

"I know, I think it's sweet. Pavel's pals were quite impressed, her dad not so much." Nyota added, "She wasn't exactly dressed for dinner with her father."

Hikaru laughed, "Oh, I know. I transported down with McCoy last night. She was waiting for him when we came out of the bay. You should have seen his face when he saw her outfit. What would you call something like that?"

"I'd call it not for me. I've got hair ribbons with more fabric. Anyway, Rudolph was there. You can probably imagine the response she provoked from him. Her father stamped across the street, dropped his jacket over her and started yelling."

Hikaru nodded, "He's protective."

"She didn't see it that way. They argued, loudly. Pasha stupidly suggested calming down. The doctor completely lost it and ordered him back to the ship."

"Okay," Hikaru said, setting down his drink. "That's a little much."

"I agree. The other guys bee lined into a bar, Joanna got dragged into the restaurant, and Pasha started off to the transport station all by himself. I didn't say anything, because I didn't want to make the evening any more uncomfortable than it already was, but I kept thinking about him. When she asked me for his info, I thought, we're on liberty, he should have some fun too. So, I gave it to her."

"He doesn't get many chances to be with people his own age Nyota. I don't think it was a bad idea."

She said sadly, "I thought they'd talk, or, maybe get ice cream. Then I saw her comm."

He started to say something teasing, but her expression made him ask, "And now you are worried?"

"Once again, your super dad instincts are correct."

"Then why did you pressure him to go?"

She sighed, "At first I didn't understand the angst was about not knowing how to buy jeans. I thought he was just being shy. I wanted to be encouraging. Then we got him dressed, and suddenly, he didn't look like his sweet little scruffy self. He kind of looked like someone you might meet at a party. It occurred to me that I'd set him up for a whole new set of problems, but by then I couldn't think of a reason to say he shouldn't go."

"I could tell you were worried, I couldn't figure out why."

"Super dad," she said, then added, "Talk to him."

"About what?"

"You saw her message Hikaru. You need to make sure he protects himself."

He raised an eyebrow and stared at her knowingly. "He gets the same hypos we do."

"I am not worried about disease, I mean emotionally. I'm worried he'll," she hesitated.

"Fall for that wild kid of McCoy's," finished Hikaru.

She nodded. "He's so clueless. That salesclerk,"

Hikaru interrupted, "The Caitian one?"

"Yes, the Caitian one, you are as bad as Hendorff. Why is her species the important thing about her?"

"I was just clarifying. The being that asked Pav to come see her after work?"

"Yes, but the point is he didn't even get it. She told him she would have a much easier time dressing him if she saw him naked and he took off his shirt. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't been there. Stop laughing, it isn't funny. I know she's younger, but that Joanna seems, um, worldly."

Hikaru laughed harder. She flushed, but continued. "Talk to him."

"What do you want me to say, watch out for this girl, she's just using you to infuriate her father?"

"That's a good start."

"We don't know that is true, and anyway, he might not care."

"Hikaru, he's so naive he doesn't realize he should care. You have a successful relationship, explain what it's like."

"I avoid talking about it with Ben. I'm certainly not going to talk about it with Pavel."

"How can you not be worried about this? He's defenseless. You'll be sorry when he's wandering around the ship with his little heart broken."

Hikaru tapped his glass and smiled. "You underestimate him. He can take care of himself. In fact, right now, your innocent Pasha is using that Caitian salesclerk to get liquor out of an enlisted man."

"What?"

"Rudolph wants to meet a Caitian female. Pav knows one. Once Rudolph buys him something impressive for the he-hopes-promiscuous daughter of our CMO, he'll introduce them."

"Call him." Nyota said, reaching for a communicator. "Get him back here."

Hikaru shook his head and covered his device protectively with his hand.

She asked sadly, "Are you sure?"

"Remember him saying he had an errand, and then asking Rudolph about his ID?"

"I didn't pick up on any of that."

"Well, you've never been a teenage boy. If I'd had the opportunity I might have done the same thing and I wasn't even interested in promiscuous daughters."

She sighed, "Your kid will never be able to get anything past you."

"Pav isn't hiding anything. He's being pretty obvious."

"Just tell him to be careful."

Hikaru shook his head, "What would that accomplish? Either he doesn't need to hear it or it's too late. I would basically be explaining we assume she can't like him. How's he supposed to respond? With thanks? I would be mad," He stopped abruptly.

"What?" asked Nyota.

Hikaru pushed his drink away and said, "I absolutely can't do it."

"What?" Nyota asked again.

"I just realized how he would react. He'd nod and go back to work. He might be hurt, but he wouldn't be surprised. I couldn't stand knowing someone taught him to expect that. I would need to go to Russia and kill them."

She frowned, "I'm not sure if that's sweet, or horrifying."

"I'd be placed in some rehabilitation facility. Single parent Ben would have to explain me at the entrance interviews for all the really good preschools."

She said seriously, "That you care so much about someone you insist is a casual friend makes me even more sure you'll be a good father."

"Why? It sounds noble but I'm really only protecting myself."

"You would never actually kill anyone."

"I mean protect myself from the feeling. I don't want another person to worry about." He shook his head slowly. "Wow, that's probably my real problem with the whole baby thing. I have enough obligations, with work, and Ben, and my parents. I don't want to be responsible for Pav's feelings or," he stopped himself from saying what he was thinking and added lamely, "or anything more."

Nyota smiled smugly. "You should have thought of that six weeks ago. You've got some new responsibility coming whether you're ready or not. But I know you Hikaru, it might take you a while to wrap your brain around it, but you will step up. Fortunately, you've got nine months to develop some new skills. You can start by talking to Pasha."

Hikaru sighed. "My father never involves himself in painful emotional discussions. How 'bout, in traditional Sulu Dad fashion, I just settle into my recliner, and pretend the boy is at the library?"

She said, "How about not?"

Hikaru leaned back in his chair, and said, "You're the mother, you do it."

"I'm no mother."

"Nyota, if I'm going to saddled with raising the navigator, I need a helpmate. I have no one else to ask. So, Mama, you talk to him."

She shook her head. "I can't. I'd sound judgmental. I wouldn't want to, but I would."

"You don't like Joanna either?"

"I didn't say that."

"You're thinking it."

I'm thinking of Pasha. He needs a less emotional explanation than I would give."

"Conveniently, you know the being on the ship least likely to give an emotional explanation of anything. Ask him to do it."

"I'm pretty sure he wouldn't consider something like this an area of expertise." She added, "or even competency."

Hikaru shrugged. "Fine, get the cool older brother to do it. He loves stuff like this. He could impart tons of valuable knowledge he picked up at the frat."

"The captain was never in a fraternity."

"Nyota, in our imaginary family he's still in a fraternity." Hikaru said.

"I want someone to talk to Pasha about being careful with his heart, not enter him in some ship wide Junior Lothario training program."

"There's the eccentric uncle. He is fond of Pavel and would be happy to talk to him. Although, any explanation he comes up with will have so many mechanical analogies it's possible it will just confuse the boy."

Nyota laughed. Hikaru continued, "Or the crotchety granddad? He's a doctor, and would have plenty to say, he always does. Although his relationship to the perhaps promiscuous teen could be a problem. Sorry Mama, it looks like the cool brother is your only hope."

Nyota grimaced, "I still think that would do more harm than good."

"Not at all. Our Pasha will be enlightened, or he will be embarrassed to the point that he refuses to leave the ship for months. Either way, our problem is solved."

"And," Nyota said with a smile, "either way you can slip into your house slippers, turn on the viewer and watch the news in peace."

Sulu smiled, took a sip of his Manhattan and said, "maybe you're right, this dad stuff isn't so hard after all."


	3. Chapter 2 Overheard in the Mess

2\. Leave Will be Spent with the Family

Overheard in the Mess

September, 2258  
Officers' Mess  
Starship Enterprise

McCoy slammed his tray onto the table. Even in the busy, noontime mess it was loud enough to startle Hikaru, who frowned. Next to him, Mr. Scott looked up and swore. Mr. Keenser may have sworn too, he made a noise like steam rattling in a pipe and gazed unblinkingly at McCoy for several seconds before he busied himself setting the cylinder of pellets he was eating back into an upright position.

"Hi Bones," the captain said. "Always nice to see you."

"I've had a heck of a day. Don't push me." the doctor replied.

"What's up?" the captain asked, sounding not particularly interested.

"What's up? Admission numbers. Did you know it's Giotto's dad's birthday this week?"

"Why would I know something like that?" asked the captain. "In fact, why would you? That seems a little esoteric. Did Spock tell you?"

"I don't have time to visit with Spock. I work for a living."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, you're a simple country doctor. You still haven't told us why it matters that it is Giotto's dad's birthday."

Scotty said, "I've heard discussion of it."

"You have?" snapped McCoy. "How did I miss it? I'd have liked a chance to weigh in on how stupid it is to endanger an entire division in honor of someone they don't even know."

"It wouldn't have helped." Scotty said, shoveling peas onto a spoon.

"What is it we are talking about?" asked the captain.

Mr. Scott stopped eating long enough to answer. "Our Mr. Giotto comes from a military family. His granddad was Starfleet security, his daddy was security, his brother was security, he's security. When Mr. Giotto was young his father used to create conditioning programs for him and his brother so that they could pretend they were already members of Starfleet security. Giotto's still got them. Every year, on the week of his daddy's birthday he runs his division through the lot of them in a series of competitions. At the end of the week, they sing and have a little party."

"What?" laughed the captain.

Mr. Scott explained again, "Mr. Giotto honors his late father's memory by putting security through the training drills the old man devised years ago to help prepare Giotto and his brother to be members of the corp. It culminates on his actual birthday, with a division wide competition of the skills. Giotto picks a winner, who gets a ribbon declaring them an honorary Giotto, and then everyone has cake. The winner gets all four corner pieces, extra frosting you know."

"Cake and hand to hand combat. I love it. We should take it ship wide," the captain said.

"We most certainly should not," McCoy growled.

The captain sighed. "This is a problem for you because?" he asked.

"Two broken arms and a concussion, and it is only lunch time on Tuesday," groused McCoy. "All three of those patients are already clamoring to be allowed back into the competition. Red shirts don't need any encouragement to overdo. These are drills, not actual combat. They can back off a little."

The captain said, "It isn't much of a contest if you back off Bones."

"We'll see how you like it when half the security force is on restricted duty Captain Kirk." McCoy said gruffly.

"I think we will probably be okay." The captain looked thoughtful. "So, Giotto was a Starfleet brat. I didn't know that. Can you imagine Giotto as a little kid? Do you think he told his kindergarten class to line up and knock off the nonsense?"

"His father died while he was in the academy. He was a bit of a hero actually." Scott looked at the captain and added, "Not a hero on the level of your own daddy of course sir"

"But then, who is," said the captain, turning his attention to his plate. The doctor looked at him thoughtfully.

Mr. Scott continued, "Not many, sir you're right about that. Anyway, Mr. Giotto Senior lost his life providing cover for an away team ambushed during a first contact. He had a full military funeral in San Francisco. I was at the academy at the time too, and I remember it well."

"I didn't realize that," McCoy said.

"The chief was two classes ahead of me. We weren't pals, but I recognized him the first time I saw him. He looks just the same. He didn't remember me. But then, I wasn't nearly so robust a figure then."

"Did you say robust?" asked the doctor uncertainly.

The captain laughed and Keenser purred.

"No, not at all," continued Scotty. "Of course, we were in different tracks too. I was buried down in the labs and he was out setting sports records. He was much admired on campus."

"I wonder if he knows how many of his records I broke?" asked the captain with a grin. He stood up, grabbed his tray, and made for the recycling line. The doctor watched him go and sighed.

"What's wrong Len?" asked Scotty.

"Nothing," the doctor said. "It just that, these military dads can be a lot to live up to."

"I suppose," Scotty said. "Was your father in the service?"

"Mine, no, he was a vet, and a gentleman farmer. I had about the perfect childhood. How about yours?"

"No, no, mine ran a sweet shop."

McCoy snorted. "You're kidding. Somehow I assumed he was an engineer."

"No, that was my ma, Keenser's father is an engineer though."

"Really?" McCoy asked.

Keenser nodded once.

"Very well respected, brilliant being, full of excellent insights. I used to speak to him regularly when we were on Delta Vega. Amazing mind. I often think what a shame it is, that gifts like his inevitably weaken in following generations." Scott said.

Keenser's dark eyes rotated toward Scott, but he didn't respond.

"How about you Sulu?" asked McCoy. "Was your father Starfleet?"

"No, he manages investments for a brokerage firm in San Francisco."

"So, none of us then. Well, I think we're lucky," McCoy said. "Kids with active duty parents tend to follow them into service, so I see it in a lot of the crew. It can be a problem. Children who spend their childhood hearing how brave and good an absent parent is will naturally want to become that too. They set unrealistic goals and then blame themselves for failing to reach them. A little proximity is a good thing. Seeing your folks fail, and lose their temper, and start all over is very good developmentally."

Hikaru set his fork down and listened.

"Len," Scotty said. "There's no one way to make a family."

"I am not saying there is Monty. I understand that sometimes people are forced to make hard choices. Believe me, being married taught me that some families function best very far apart. What I am saying is, Chief Giotto is forty years old, but he is spending a week celebrating his daddy's birthday. It's unlikely he would feel compelled to honor someone he knew better in that way."

"Maybe, but maybe not." Scott said. "You have to remember Len; his father's been dead a long time and his mother was gone before that. Nero took his only brother. There's very few left in the whole universe he can remember his dad with. His division is the only family he has left. So, every year he shares his memories with them. He makes it fun, well, what he thinks of as fun. When the week ends, there is a whole group of young people that remember with him. A few of them, certainly the honorary Giottos, will think of his dad every time his birthday rolls around. That has to give him comfort."

"You make him sound a whole lot more functional than I do." McCoy said with a smile.

"Do you really think it is that bad to have an active duty parent Dr. McCoy?" Hikaru asked.

The doctor looked at him thoughtfully. "I may have overstated my position a little. It is important to spend time with children. But other experiences in the home have just as much, or more, to do with how a person turns out as do military parents. Most the former children of Starfleet officers do just fine. I'm banking on it myself actually."

Hikaru remembered McCoy's wild daughter and sighed.

Scotty laughed, "You can't be that worried about it. You're here and your little Joanna is way off on Earth. And anyway, I think she knows you a little too well to consider you heroic Len."

McCoy smiled ruefully, "You're right about that. I can always count on her mama to remind Joanna just how flawed I am. When I joined up, I planned to make my career on Earth, so that I could see her regularly. Then everything happened, and I got stuck on this death trap. I resolved then to take all my leave on Earth with her."

"That seems like a reasonable compromise," Hikaru murmured. He wasn't sure anyone heard him, but he didn't really care.

The doctor continued. "In the meantime of course, she managed to grow up. I'm not sure if you heard, but she surprised me and came out to the starbase we were at last month? It did give us more time together since I didn't have to spend half my leave traveling to Earth. Her mama seems fine with it. But I'm not so sure. I know it's important that we be together, but, she's still so young, and not sophisticated. I'm not sure she should travel alone."

Keenser made a fluttering noise and looked dolefully up at Scott. Scotty flushed, and then quickly busied himself with the peas. The doctor, Hikaru thought, was probably the only being on the ship who had somehow managed not to hear about his wild daughter's partying on the starbase.

McCoy took a few bites and then added, "It's important to make children a priority, but Scotty is right. There is more than one way to do it correctly. I guess it's important to remember that all our parents damaged us somehow. It's what we do with that damage that matters."

"That's right doctor," said the engineer. "My dad is a marvelous guy, but I have lousy teeth thanks to him and those sweeties."

"I will add you to my list of people to worry about Scotty," said the doctor as he spooned up some soup. The alarm sounded on his comm. "Damn," he said, pulling it out. He frowned and stood up. "I'm going to have to take this," he said.

"I'll go with you," Mr. Scott said. "Come on Keenser, leave something for tomorrow. You're like a pig at a trough."

The Roylan stood up silently, and followed the humans to the recycling line and then out the door. Hikaru watched them go.

When he was certain he was alone, Hikaru turned on his PADD and called up his personal messages. He scrolled through them till he found Ben's most recent one. He opened it and looked at it again.

The holo showed Ben standing behind his sister Renee'. They were grinning widely, he was laughing so hard his eyes were nearly completely closed. She was posing with her hands over her flat belly, and he had one arm around her, holding his hand over one of hers. He held his other fist in front of him and in it he grasped tightly a glowing pink pregnancy test. Across the bottom of the screen it read:

!Positive!

Hikaru looked at the picture awhile, then sighed again and shut the PADD off.


	4. Chapter 3 A Story in the Gym

3\. Pay Attention

A Story Told in the Gym

October, 2258

Starship Enterprise

Hikaru was nearly finished with his cardio when Giotto climbed onto the machine next to him. The captain leaned over from the machine on the other side and called, "Hey, chief, did you get my offer to help with the self-defense recertification?"

"Yes, thank you sir," Giotto said, starting to jog.

The captain asked eagerly, "What have you decided how you would like to use me? I was thinking,"

Giotto interrupted to say, "No, thank you sir,"

"You haven't decided yet how to use me? I've got some great ideas."

"I won't need you sir."

The captain sounded disappointed, "Why not? I was looking forward to it. Hand to hand combat is one of my favorite things."

Giotto frowned. "Permission to speak freely sir?"

"Giotto, we've served together for months now, but sometimes, I feel like you don't know me at all," the captain said sadly. He was young and personable, and encouraged casual conversation from the crew. It bothered Giotto, who was none of those things.

"Sir?" Giotto asked.

"Speak away," the captain sighed.

Giotto said, "I have concerns sir, that were you to become involved, you would insist on demonstrating skills and perhaps try to spar with people."

Good call, Hikaru thought.

"I wouldn't force anyone," the captain began.

Giotto cut him off. "No one is allowed to fight with you sir. No one wants to, and if they did I wouldn't allow it. You are of course welcome to observe sir."

"Observing is boring," Kirk said.

"Boring? Sir, it's regulation," Giotto said, his tone implying he didn't understand. He continued, "Sir, I've run the recerts on my previous postings and I have a routine. I anticipate no problems."

"What's your plan?" asked the captain.

"Each division will be broken into pairs of similar size and experience. As they spar I will observe and evaluate them. It's a smooth process unless I inadvertently create a pair that enjoys it too much. This exercise is designed to assure our combat readiness, not lessen it. I don't want anyone getting hurt."

"I got an insight," the captain said. "Chekov shouldn't spar with Lloyd. Right Sulu?"

"Huh?" Hikaru asked. Giotto shot him a disapproving look, and he corrected himself, "I'm sorry sir?"

"You know, not after the division meeting," laughed the captain.

Before Hikaru could say that he didn't know, Giotto said, "They're too disparate in size. I was thinking Grant for Lloyd. Chekov is another problem."

"Grant! Grant is perfect," the captain said happily.

"What happened at the division meeting sir?" Hikaru asked, more to be polite than because he cared. He and the captain had different ideas of what constituted interesting, he doubted he had missed anything too significant.

The captain looked surprised. "Sulu, I heard it, you had to have."

"No," Hikaru said, "I didn't. I was listening to Mr. Spock's presentation, not the ensigns whispering in the back."

"Admirable," Giotto said.

Hikaru shrugged, "Not everyone thinks so. Uhura told me today I am tone deaf to nonverbals."

"That may be the ultimate communication insult," the captain said, "Was she joking?"

"I'm not actually sure," Hikaru admitted.

"Weren't paying attention?" Kirk laughed.

"Apparently not enough."

"What did you do to provoke her?" Giotto asked.

"I don't know," Hikaru said slowly.

"Didn't she explain?" Kirk asked.

"Um, probably," Hikaru said.

Kirk laughed loudly. "You didn't pay attention while she explained how you don't listen well. That's hilarious. I don't recommend you pair Uhura with Sulu to spar, Giotto."

"Sir," Hikaru explained. "I'm responsible for the end product, not how happily it gets made. I prioritize what I pay attention to, conversations about the off duty lives of the crew, even those I supervise, are low on the list."

"You're responsible for the helm. After you've been at this awhile I think you'll find the personal stuff has more to do with how well the division runs than anything else," Kirk said.

"Will I learn that after I've been at this as long as you?" Hikaru asked. The chief scowled and he added quickly, "Sir."

The captain laughed and said, "And now we know who is teaching our tiny teen navigator how to do sarcastic."

Giotto frowned and ran harder. Hikaru understood. It wasn't like him to speak rudely to a superior. He and Mr. Giotto were much more typical Starfleet officers than their young captain. They valued tradition. He wondered if he was getting complacent, or if Kirk was rubbing off on him. Deciding that either way, he needed to be more careful, he made his tone respectful and asked, "Do you agree with the captain's views on supervision chief?"

"I don't care how they relate, I don't put people who want to punch each other into a ring."

"Like Chekov and Lloyd," the captain said.

"That sir, would be a short fight," Giotto muttered.

The captain laughed, "Maybe, maybe not, sometimes brains tops brawn. Chekov had Lloyd spinning in circles at the division meeting."

"Brains," Giotto said contemptuously. "Do you ever notice how these smart guys do so many stupid things?"

"What happened?" Hikaru asked again.

The captain leaned on his machine. "Maybe you fell asleep Sulu. Spock had been droning on for what seemed like hours. When he finally asked for input, everyone just stared at him, except of course, young Rocket Arm."

"Who?" Giotto asked crankily. Hikaru noticed he didn't attach an honorific.

"Chekov," the captain clarified. "The other ensigns call him that because he always gets his hand up first to answer questions."

"I've never heard that one," Hikaru sighed.

Maybe they only whisper it," the captain said and laughed when Hikaru frowned. "Anyway," he continued, "after Chekov supplied much more than the requested information, Lloyd leaned over and said, 'Chekov, you think you're so much smarter than everyone else.' Chekov said, 'Not than everyone else,' but his tone made it clear he considers himself plenty smarter than Lloyd."

"Well," Hikaru said.

Kirk nodded. "Yes, I agree, Lloyd doesn't though. Of course, it took him awhile to work out that he had been insulted. When he finally did, he interrupted Spock to announce he can't understand Chekov giving the morning announcements."

"I heard that, but I didn't pay any attention. It was stupid. Chekov's not that hard to understand," Hikaru began.

Kirk said, "Sulu, this isn't a conversation about actual problems. It doesn't require a solution. It's a funny story."

"Sorry sir, go on."

"You are so serious lately Sulu. Do you think you're spending too much time around Commander Spock?"

Hikaru sighed again.

The captain continued. "Anyway, I was hoping Chekov would say something along the lines of 'try listening with your head not up your ass,' but instead, he looked all eager to please, you know how he does, and told Mr. Spock that every morning he reworks the announcements for security and that he could easily forward them to anyone, like Mr. Lloyd, who prefers things easier to understand."

"He said that out loud?" Hikaru asked. He looked at the chief and added, "I'm sorry Mr. Giotto, I'll have him apologize."

Giotto cleared his throat. "Actually, he does do that. I read them at beta shift change."

Hikaru flushed, he hoped the chief would assume it was from exercise. "Oh, I'm sorry sir, I didn't realize."

"Not everyone is awake to listen to the alpha shift announcements Sulu," Giotto said crankily. "They need the information, but I don't want to spend all day on it. I told Chekov to highlight the important parts, simplify everything, and send it to me."

"Excellent idea sir, makes perfect sense," Hikaru said. He turned to the smirking Captain Kirk, careful to avoid eye contact, and said, "Please sir, go on."

"Spock, of course," said the captain, "entirely missed the subtext. He told Lloyd to let Chekov know where to send the announcements, and returned to droning. As soon as he did, Lloyd called Chekov an arrogant little shit. Chekov side eyed him and said, 'I am not big like you.'"

Giotto made an odd choking noise. Concerned, Hikaru looked over and was surprised to realize the commander was laughing. The commander said, "That's pretty good."

The captain nodded. "People laughed or it would have gone right over Lloyd's head. Chekov says stuff like that all the time. People think it's accidental, but it's not."

Surprised, Hikaru asked, "How do you know?"

Kirk laughed again. Giotto said, "The captain knows his people Sulu."

"Yes," Kirk said. "I study everyone. It's helpful. Say a mission calls for someone able to annoy absolutely every life form we encounter, I think immediately of Ensign Lloyd."

Giotto said approvingly, "You only get that kind of insight by paying attention, Sulu. Go on with your story sir."

The captain was however, laughing too hard to speak. When he finally controlled himself, he continued, "Lloyd couldn't let it drop. He told Chekov, 'I can't wait to watch you get beat up by what ever tiny little girl they order to spar with you.' You should have seen Chekov Sulu. I thought for a few seconds I'd have to break up a fight, but instead he put this shocked expression on his face and said in this confused voice, 'You want to watch me with a girl?' He said it loud enough that heads turned from two rows up. People were staring at Lloyd with their mouths hanging open. Lloyd started sputtering that he hadn't meant that. Somebody laughed, then a few other people joined in, pretty soon, everyone was laughing. Well, not Lloyd obviously, and I couldn't, Chekov was too mad, and apparently you didn't Sulu, but most of the rest of the division laughed. I had to move. I was enjoying it too much. Captains can't watch the ensigns torment each other."

"That kid had better watch himself," Giotto said, shaking his head.

The captain shrugged. "It'll be fine. He's pretty much impossible to stay mad at."

Giotto asked. "Sir, would you provoke someone that much bigger than you?"

"Hmmm," Kirk said.

Giotto snorted. "And did that work out well for you sir?"

The captain laughed and said, "Anyway Sulu, I think it's great Lloyd will spar with Grant because Grant could maybe knock Lloyd down a peg or two, which I think would be alright. I don't like how he hassles Chekov, even though our boy seems to do okay with it."

"Sir," Giotto said, "This is an exercise designed to document the crew's ability to meet minimum standards of self-defense, not an exhibition."

"But there's nothing we can do if they take it too seriously," the captain said with a grin.

"No sir, I suppose not." Giotto agreed unwillingly.

"When was this?" Hikaru said.

"When was what?" asked Kirk.

"When did Chekov do this?"

"I told you, at the division meeting three days ago. Maybe Uhura's right, Sulu," the captain said.

Hikaru stopped running, the machine shot him off the end before it shut down. He didn't fall, or even stumble. He landed easily, then stood on the ground thinking.

"I was wondering when you were going to notice your workout was done," Kirk said. "The timer went off like three minutes ago."

"The lieutenant was caught up in our conversation sir," Giotto said.

"And people say he doesn't pay attention," the captain laughed. It was the last thing Hikaru heard before he left the gym.

Astrocartography Lab  
USS Enterprise

Pav grinned when Hikaru walked in. "Hi," he said happily.

Hikaru leaned over the table and grabbed Pav's chin, turning the younger man's face so that he could see the bruise along his temple.

Pav jerked his head back. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"How did you get that?"

"I already told you, from a door."

"Did Lloyd hit you?" Hikaru asked.

"No," Pav said, stepping back.

"Are you lying to me?"

"A door hit me," Pav said dismissively. He reached for his PADD. "Do you wish to see the project Mr. Spock assigned me? It is interesting."

"The doors open automatically. You can't run into them."

"The edge of the hatch to my deck, that." Pav said, without looking up from his PADD.

"It's called a frame. To hit it you had to misjudge an opening almost a meter and a half across. I should send you down to medical to get your eyes checked."

Pav didn't respond. Hikaru pulled out a stool and sat down. He leaned over the table and tried to glare threateningly at Pavel, who ignored him. They were silent for several minutes, then Hikaru said, "The regulations are clear. I am your commanding officer, which makes me a mandated reporter."

"You must report the doors?" asked Pav, without looking up. "Who is their supervisor? Mr. Scott?"

"Not funny," Hikaru said.

Pav closed his PADD and asked, "You are angry at me?"

"No," Hikaru said, "at myself. I should have paid more attention to this."

"Why? It does not affect my work."

"Do you really think that's the important thing about this?"

Pav muttered, "I do not think there is anything important about this."

Hikaru shook his head and said, "Lloyd's got fifty kilos on you, He's seven years older, he's certified in hand to hand combat, and Pav, officers don't beat each other."

Pav glanced at him sideways, then quickly away. "He didn't."

"Pavel," Hikaru started angrily, Pav's expression was wary. Hikaru took a deep breath and said calmly, "Tell me exactly what happened."

Pav sighed, then said unwillingly, "I spoke to him."

"Mr. Lloyd."

"Yes."

"After the division meeting?"

"Much later, after I was working in engineering. He was with a few friends in the passageway by the turbolift."

"They were waiting for you?" Hikaru asked. Pav nodded.

"You didn't find that threatening?"

"No."

Liar, Hikaru thought, but he said, "What did you talk about?"

Pav shrugged, "About whether I should shut up and stay shut up." It bothered Hikaru to realize that if he had heard the story at any other time, he probably would have laughed at the way Pav used the expression.

Pavel continued, "I had nothing to add, so I decided to let them finish the discussion without me. As I left, someone moved, I was startled and jumped away. I hit the frame." He shifted awkwardly, and added, "I am clumsy."

Hikaru ignored the attempt to distract, and asked, "Someone moved?"

Pav nodded.

"Moved like shoved you?" When Pav didn't reply Hikaru asked, "Who were these guys?"

Pav shrugged, eyes wide and innocent, looking like he couldn't imagine.

Hikaru hardened his heart and said, "Ensign Chekov, I am ordering you to tell me the truth. How did you get hurt?"

Pav stuck his chin up and said, "Sir, I ran into the frame of a door."

Hikaru said, "I am going to look at the security vids."

Pavel asked angrily, "Why? This did not affect the helm, so it is not your responsibility. Many times you have said that Hikaru. Think, if you do find people to punish, their friends will be angry. If I am involved in too many of these situations, I will be sent back to Earth. Me, not anyone else. They will say I cause too much trouble because I am young. If I don't care, why should you?"

Hikaru rubbed his head. "You are justifying abuse."

"No," Pavel said. "I am not abused, and I am not afraid. I should ignore being teased, but sometimes I choose not to. Mr. Lloyd seldom even notices what I say. It has never been him that hit me before, and I do not see why he would start now."

"Wait," Hikaru asked. "Does that mean other people have? Who's hit you?"

Pav folded his arms and said, "I hit a door." His jaw was tight and his eyes were narrowed, which Hikaru knew meant he was done talking.

Hikaru tried again to stare him down, but Pav made a show of reopening his PADD and making some notes. He looked so pretentiously studious that Hikaru almost smiled. He tried to think of another way to approach the issue. "Would you talk to the doctor?" he asked gently. Pav kept his head down, but his expression was so horrified that Hikaru laughed. Pav glanced up at him hopefully, Hikaru shook his head and said, "Fine, I'll accept your explanation."

Pav continued to pretend to work, but his posture relaxed. Hikaru watched him for a few seconds more, then added, "This has made me question some of my suppositions."

Pav wrinkled his brow. Hikaru knew that meant he wasn't sure of the word, so he rephrased, "I'm learning the personal stuff has more to do with how well a division runs than anything else. I should," he paused to consider what exactly he should do, and then said, "What happens around me matters more than I understood. I need to pay better attention."

Pavel kept his head down and his expression blank. Hikaru took a deep breath, and asked to see what he was doing. Pav began to explain eagerly. as if they had never been talking of anything else. Hikaru watched him talk, and in his head, he repeated, I will pay attention.


	5. Chapter 4 Internal Dialogue and a Boast

4\. Update Financial Information & Fix Hug Thing

Internal Dialogue, and a Boast in Sick Bay

November, 2258  
Medical Unit  
Starship Enterprise

Hikaru opened his eyes, squinted against the bright lights, and closed them again. He lay still and listened to the soft, mechanical mutterings that meant he was in sick bay. I made it, he thought. How is that possible?

"Nice to see you Sulu." Hikaru recognized the gruff voice of Leonard McCoy. "You gave us a bit of a scare. Are you having any pain?"

A scare, thought Hikaru, what a strange way to say it. He opened his eyes. "No," he said, then asked, "The captain?"

"Hi Sulu, guess what? We're roomies. Want to order pizza?" Hikaru turned his head and saw the captain in the next bed, up on one elbow and grinning at him. He was scraped and bruised, and his eyes were perhaps a little less animated than usual, but he was alive.

"You're okay?" he asked.

"I'm great," the captain replied.

"Not true," the doctor said, shaking his head.

Hikaru smiled at the normalness. "What's wrong with me?" he asked.

"At one point pretty much everything," snapped the doctor. "Something heavy crushed your left shoulder."

"The wall," the captain said, "it fell."

"And you pulled me out," Hikaru said slowly. He remembered the roar, and the pain.

"We regrew your joint," McCoy continued, "treated your blood loss, the lacerations to your lungs from fractured ribs, and patched the holes in you."

"I'm alright?"

The doctor sounded a little unwilling, but he said, "Do what you're told and you'll be fine."

"You've been in and out for days." the captain said.

"I don't remember."

"Well, mostly out. Good to see you awake Sulu!"

"Thank you, sir, and you, are you really alright?"

"I'm great," the captain said again. "I was nowhere near as bad as you. "

"No sir," McCoy said, shaking his head. "Remember, I told you. You have a serious concussion and internal injuries. You will not be leaving this unit for several more days. You will not be returning to duty for at least a week. Wrap your mind around that Captain Kirk. I will not be negotiating."

"I'm fine," Kirk insisted.

McCoy shook his head. "You're not fine." He looked at Sulu and added, "I should probably warn you. His concussion is manifesting with poor impulse control."

"No, it's not," the captain said dismissively.

McCoy scowled at Kirk. "He's blurting out pretty much any fool thing that comes to his head."

"Is it permanent?" Hikaru asked quietly.

"Nah, he's already better than he was. He'll be fine in a few days. I had him shut away in a private unit but he kept sneaking out to check on you, so I moved him. Let me know if he bothers you too much."

"Check on me?"

The doctor shrugged. "You're crew. Even concussed he worries about the crew."

The captain asked, "You know what really gives me a headache Bones? Repetitive complaints. I'm fine."

"You're not fine," McCoy said. "Now lay down, and stop talking, or I'll put you in isolation."

The doctor glanced at the chrom and added, "It's fifteen hundred. Your little visitor is due soon. If you both stay quiet, I might even let him chat a while."

Hikaru closed his eyes, and then asked, "Who's the visitor?"

"Shhhh," whispered the captain. "Bones is watching."

Hikaru dreamed of Yer. The rope at his neck chafed. Their captors stopped and watched as more of the fireworks exploded in front of them. He stared at the back of their heads, felt hatred bubble up inside him, and decided that he was not done fighting. He wrenched back hard, pulling free. "Run," he called, but the leader lunged for the rope, and yanked Hikaru off his feet. He shoved his hands into the sand, searching for a rock, for anything he could use as a weapon.

He awoke with a jerk. He sat up in bed, his heart pounding. He told himself to calm down, that he was on the ship, but the bed and the captain's soft snoring seemed less real then the dream. He had expected to die on Yer. During the painful walk out of the city he'd imagined his own funeral. While considering his legacy, he'd realized his family would get his pension, some plants and antique weapons, a letter, his list, and not much else.

All Starfleet officers left letters in case they didn't come back. He'd known his was lacking while he was writing it. He just wasn't poetic. He'd actually felt better about his pension. It wasn't romantic either, but he'd been glad Ben would have it. Thinking about it again, Hikaru smiled, imagining Ben's face when he told him that, facing death, he had taken comfort from the adequacy of his instructions to his accountant.

He'd only left a copy of his life list to keep it safe, but he'd decided on the march that it was lucky he had. He had imagined his daughter grown up, going through his things, eager to know the parent she'd never met. Reading the list would tell her he was adventurous and worked hard. It was a much clearer picture of who he was than the stilted letter.

During college, Hikaru had made a list of his life goals. He had accomplished the first one fairly quickly, and happily checked off "lose virginity." He thought now he might erase it. The next two made it unnecessary: "Love someone," and "Be loved back." He had checked them off not long after meeting Ben. Then he had surfed in Australia, graduated from the academy, earned a PhD, and named a plant species. He had once been the very first sentient to see a planet, and he had flown a starship. After Nero he'd checked off "be challenged to a duel." Although technically, it had been he that had issued the challenge.

There were only two unchecked items. He hadn't learned to make sushi, and he was not captain of a starship. But he had more time. Someday, when his daughter read the list, he would have accomplished everything he cared about. She would be proud.

Or perhaps, he thought with a sinking feeling, she would notice that the list made no mention of fatherhood. If he had died, nothing she had of him would have contained any sign that he cared about her.

He would add fatherhood to the list, as Nyota had recommended. He'd do it for his daughter, so that everything would look fine. Although he knew it wouldn't change the truth. He didn't long for a baby. Home with Ben, a family had seemed like an alright idea. Away from Ben, it felt like another responsibility, one without instructions. Ben had said not to worry, that they loved each other and it would be fine, and so he had had agreed to have a child he felt poorly prepared to raise.

The nurse's voice came over the monitor, "Do you need help?" she asked.

Yes, he thought, but no one can help me with this.

"I'd like a hypo," he said.

He slept a long time, and woke to the sound of voices, and pain. He looked over, winced, and saw Mr. Scott and Nyota sitting in chairs by the captain.

"Sulu's awake Bones," called the captain.

McCoy appeared, forehead wrinkled with concern. "How do you feel?" he asked.

"Sore," Hikaru admitted. The doctor nodded and pressed a hypo to his neck. It hissed, and he felt better immediately. "Wow, that's amazing. Thanks doc."

"You're welcome Lieutenant Sulu," McCoy said loudly. He turned to the captain and said, "Did you hear that? That is how a patient should act. You should try it."

"If I were grateful, I would act grateful, I am not," the captain replied.

"Glad to see you Mr. Sulu," Scott said, smiling widely.

Hikaru nodded. "Thanks, it's good to see you too."

"We've all been worried Hikaru," Nyota said.

"I'm still surprised to be here. I wasn't sure I would be."

"This wasn't my favorite mission," Nyota laughed.

"Everything's a little foggy," Hikaru said.

"Tell me what you know," Nyota said, "and I will fill in the holes."

"We went to Yer," Hikaru said, "the emperor said they wanted to negotiate for more trade, but really, he wanted weapons."

Nyota nodded. He continued. "There were fireworks, and Mr. Spock said we couldn't use the transporters."

"The planetary government had misrepresented almost everything about itself," Nyota agreed. "They were in the middle of a civil war, and outside the emperor's court, there was almost none of the technology we consider necessary for day to day life. Mr. Spock was concerned use of the transporters might violate the Prime Directive and directed Mr. Scott to send shuttles after us."

Hikaru remembered the conversation. Mr. Scott had sounded scandalized and asked, "And what if you need rescuing before they get there Mr. Spock? Are we supposed to let you just sit there at the mercy of some ignorant savages?"

He'd exchanged grins with the captain when Mr. Spock replied, "There are no savages on Yer Mr. Scott. However, the citizens must not observe the transporters."

"Did," he paused, took a deep breath, and asked, "did we all make it?"

"Yes," Nyota said softly. "All of us. The security guards are already back at work, even the one they tried to kill."

Hikaru remembered the look on the young man's face. When the crew had refused to leave their injured captain, the Yeri leader had grabbed one of the guards by the throat with his pincers. To save the ensign, Hikaru had ordered the crew to march on.

"Mr. Spock was shadowing us, he saved the captain." Nyota said.

Ironic, thought Hikaru. At the time, he had thought Mr. Spock had effectively forbidden the ship to rescue them.

"You and the captain were the only real injuries," Nyota continued.

"And I'm great," said the captain.

"You're not great," muttered the doctor, "but we were lucky this time."

"Sulu, remember Scotty saying the Yeri were rutting?" laughed the captain.

"Grouse at rut," Hikaru corrected. Mr. Scott had said, 'Displays? Are these sentient beings or grouse at rut?' The rest of them had laughed, but Mr. Spock had very seriously explained that there were some analogies. The scans from the ship had not recognized the planet was at war, because on Yer, wars were fought with elaborate displays of fireworks, designed to awe, but not injure. Political parties pooled their resources to sponsor big shows. The populace supported the side they found most impressive. The emperor was unpopular, his displays poorly reviewed. Desperate to maintain power, he had decided to break Yeri tradition and kill his rivals. The captain had turned down his requests for weapons, so the only actual violence had been between his guards and the crew. Maybe their captors had been the emperor's coconspirators, or perhaps the crew had missed some nuance of the Yer system. Hikaru supposed it was unlikely now he would ever know.

"The guards attacked us," Nyota continued.

"Yes," Hikaru said slowly. The palace guards had overwhelmed the watch, tied the crew together, and marched them out of the city. Only Mr. Spock had escaped.

Their captors had seemed organized, but after the captain collapsed, and fireworks started exploding all around them, members of the guard began deserting, running off to join some other, more impressive group.

After several hours, Hikaru had decided he would rather die fighting. He'd broken free, but the leader had grabbed the rope and yanked both Hikaru and Nyota off their feet. He had kicked Hikaru's bad shoulder. The pain had left him struggling to breathe while the guards had beat his crew onto their bellies in the dust. Then the guards had stood on the rope.

"We can't fight. Someone will be killed," one of the security guards had hissed.

Someone will be killed anyway, Hikaru had thought. He'd said, "I'm fighting," and pulled his good arm underneath him, feeling for a rock, for any weapon, trying to make a different plan. He remembered not caring if he was successful, but hoping someone would live to tell his daughter he had tried.

He had heard a familiar high-pitched whine, followed quickly by an explosion. Three brilliant little rainbows burst into existence, close enough that Hikaru had been able to feel their heat. Three of the Yeri had turned and ran. Hikaru had been able to hear their feet slap the sand. That had left only the leader and two others.

"Ready!" he yelled to the crew, pushing himself onto his knees.

There had been another whine, a loud bang, and a ball of flame had appeared. It had elongated, then whirled and writhed like a dragon. As their guards cowered, glowing balls had popped into existence and quickly exploded. As they flamed out they had been replaced by many more of the same. Dozens of fireballs had flared around them, while above them, the sparkling serpent had roiled like it was alive.

The Yeri had run. The leader had left before his soldiers. Hikaru had struggled woozily to go after them, but he had felt the familiar looseness that meant the transporter was in action, and Yer had disappeared.

"Are you sure you're alright?" the doctor asked. Hikaru blinked, and returned to the clean room, with its bright lights and soft noises.

"Yes," he said, and thought, We all are. We made it.

"Chekov," the doctor said suddenly.

"Let me," Nyota said. She squeezed Hikaru's good hand gently, then left.

Hikaru turned to Scott. "Sir, thank you. I didn't expect you to rescue us. After Mr. Spock's orders I thought, well, I didn't think that would happen."

"You're welcome Mr. Sulu," laughed Scott. "It was a pleasure. We've discussed it at length, and even Mr. Spock concedes we followed his orders to the t."

"He said no transporting." Hikaru said.

"He said no transporting in front of the Yeri. There were no Yeri around when we beamed you out. They had all ran down the mountain, looking to join the force that made the dragon."

"Did you let them join up?" laughed the captain.

"No sir," Mr. Scott said, "they're hardly Enterprise material."

"You made the dragon?" asked Hikaru.

"Aye, after a bit of a battle up here too. Let's just say the senior officers were divided on procedure. I admit, we were focusing too much on Mr. Spock saying so firmly that we couldn't use our technology in front of the Yeri."

"I'm going to make a new policy about that," Kirk said.

"You can't override the Prime Directive sir," Scott said.

The captain continued as if the engineer hadn't spoken. "It might be easier to do if Spock wasn't around. Anyone know if he ever plans to take leave or something?"

Scott looked at the captain doubtfully and continued, "We'd sent out rescue shuttles. But I knew they would be a long time getting to you. To tell the truth, Mr. Giotto and I were well past discussing and into arguing. Mr. Giotto rightly insisted our orders were very clear. I said he should prepare himself, because I doubted any of you would be coming back."

Hikaru nodded. "I thought that too."

Scotty continued, "It was then our Pavel jumped up and announced he had a plan. I don't mind telling you, Mr. Giotto was not impressed with the interruption."

The captain said, "You know Chekov literally jumped," and laughed.

Mr. Scott continued, "Chekov's idea was to present an impressive enough display that your captors would run off to support it and leave you for us to beam aboard. Mr. Giotto reminded him of our orders, and Chekov reminded him that the Prime Directive does not forbid the use of technology that already exists on a planet.'"

"I'd have loved to see Giotto's face," laughed the captain.

Scotty gave him another skeptical look, and added, "After that, it was easy. Weapons built the fireworks, and we went to work threatening them in their own language. It was fun, to tell the truth."

McCoy frowned. The engineer shrugged and added, "I mean, it would have been fun if we hadn't been so worried. It took us longer than we would have liked, but in the end, it worked."

"I kept thinking I heard the transporter," Hikaru said.

Scott nodded. "Pavel beamed the fireworks from auxiliary. I was in the main bay waiting to grab you the minute the last of the Yeri were gone. That boy did some neat work. He had to set the fireworks far enough above you that no one saw them materialize, factor in solidifying times, consider fuse lengths and wind speed, weights, and have them explode close enough to be frightening, but not so close as to burn anyone. The fuses had to be lit on board, so he was working with essentially live ammunition. It was some impressive math. Frankly, I'm not certain anyone else could have done it."

Hikaru said, "I'll thank him."

"You'll get your chance," the captain said. "He's always here."

"He comes by at shift change," clarified McCoy.

"He does?" Hikaru says.

"Yeah," said the captain. "You're always asleep. He stands there looking like,"

"His best friend is hurt?" the doctor suggested drily.

The captain shrugged, "I was gonna say Bambi watching the hunter haul off his mother. That kid can look depressed like nobody else. It's unbelievable. Anyway, he stands there and Bones assures him you're fine. Then he wishes me well and disappears. I don't think he believed us that you woke up. Bones promised he'd send for him next time. Try and stay alert till you talk to him, will you? I can't take the way he looks."

"He needs to see you awake. He's had a hard couple days," Scott agreed.

"He's had a hard couple days?" the captain asked. "He has? Who's in the bio beds?"

"We knew you were injured, but we didn't know how badly," Scott continued. "The reality shocked him a bit. I didn't notice at first, what with the medics, and the blood and all the fuss Dr. McCoy made, but eventually, things quieted down, and I found him sitting on the floor of the auxiliary control room. He was certain you were dead and had convinced himself it was all his fault. You forget how young he is until something like this happens. I showed him the biosensor records, which had you alive when transport ended. Then I brought him down here and had Dr. McCoy talk to him. It helped, but he needs to see you back to yourself."

"Transporters can make him a little anxious," Hikaru said.

"Very sensible," the doctor said.

"Not transporting, running the transporters," Hikaru explained.

"He's great on the transporters. You're all great. I have the best crew in the fleet," the captain said.

Scott nodded, "Better than great, perfect. I'll say it again, no one else could have made the calculations he did."

"Yeah, but," Hikaru began, then stopped, because people have a right to privacy. "He does it, he doesn't always like doing it."

"There he is now," the doctor said.

Hikaru craned his head. Pavel stood in the doorway of the ward, looking awkward, unhappy, and incredibly young. Nyota was beside him. She said something. He shook his head. She laughed, and began to steer him toward Hikaru.

"See," she said when they got closer. "I told you. He's going to be fine."

Pavel stared at Hikaru. He blinked several times rapidly.

"Hey Pav," Hikaru said. "I hear I owe you." Pavel shook Nyota off, lurched to the bio bed and wrapped his arms around Hikaru. He held on tightly, and his shoulders began to shake.

Hikaru sighed, "and we're hugging."

Pavel stepped back. "I'm sorry," he said, "I forgot." His voice broke.

The captain leaned over the bed to give Hikaru an angry look.

"Chekov," McCoy said kindly, "Sulu should eat. Why don't you run down to the mess and fetch him a milk shake? What do you like Sulu? Chocolate?"

"Sure, chocolate." Hikaru agreed.

Pavel wiped his eyes, nodded, and was gone.

"That boy is fast," Scott said, watching the door close. "You know Len, the replicators in the unit can make a shake."

"He needed a task," McCoy said. "You know how he is, he'll feel better if thinks he's being useful."

"Why did he hug you? You don't even like it," the captain asked resentfully.

Hikaru said with a sigh. "The Sulus are not really huggers."

"He didn't hug me," the captain muttered.

"This beautiful little scene plays out right in front of you, and that's what you take from it," Nyota asked scornfully, "that you were denied some attention?"

McCoy shook his head and said, "He'll bring you a shake too Jim."

"Maybe one for all of us," Scotty said hopefully.

"He'll probably spill them in the lift," the captain sighed. "I don't get the crying. Sulu's fine."

Nyota said angrily, "Don't you tease him. Haven't you ever been so happy you cried?"

"No, I didn't even think that was a real thing," said the captain. "I don't remember the last time I cried, and I'm sure I've never done it from happiness."

"Captain," Nyota said, "respectfully, he is like the younger brother everyone always wanted, and you are like the younger brother everyone always gets."

"That's pretty good," McCoy laughed.

"Not true Uhura," Kirk objected. "He wants to be just like me. I'm like a young, really approachable, father type figure to him."

Nyota sniffed. "There is nothing remotely paternal about you. The best you could manage is irresponsible brother. Hikaru is the father figure."

"Sulu?" scoffed the captain. "Be serious. I would be way better than Sulu."

"What?" Hikaru asked, then remembered where he was, and said, "Beg your pardon sir, I could be an excellent father."

"Sulu a father figure for Chekov?" McCoy mused, "No."

"Why not?" Hikaru asked angrily.

"Why not what?" asked the captain.

"We're friends, I'm not a father figure, but," Hikaru paused and then said, "I could be."

"Pavel doesn't need one. He's a grown man," Scotty said.

"No, he isn't," McCoy corrected, "I am a doctor, and I can show you the bone scans to prove it."

"The point is Len, he doesn't need rearing," Scott finished.

"I'm not sure I agree," the doctor said. Nyota nodded, but then frowned when the doctor added, "I can say for certain he shouldn't look for maturity on the bridge."

Hikaru said angrily, "What are you saying? Look at my record, I've never had a disciplinary action or poor evaluation. I'm responsible, and a good leader, and reliable, I am easily the most mature person I know, except Nyota. I could definitely be a father."

Nyota nodded and patted his hand. Hikaru thought she looked close to relief crying too.

Scott shrugged. "Pavel doesn't need a father, but if he did, I am sure you'd do just fine lieutenant."

The captain said, "He'd be okay, but seriously, I would be better. I'm way more fun."

He knew it was childish, but Hikaru couldn't stop himself. "Fun isn't everything. Fathers should be responsible."

"Bullseye," muttered the doctor.

"Anyway, sir, I am fun," Hikaru finished, wishing he sounded less petulant.

Kirk shrugged. "Yeah, responsible and reliable is always tons of fun."

"How would you know?" asked Nyota.

On any other ship the comment would have earned at least a reprimand, but the captain of the Enterprise only laughed and said, "Chekov and I share interests. Well, some of them. Not his boring ones obviously, but running, and um, other stuff."

Nyota's lip curled. "You both enjoy talking about you," she said.

"Yes," agreed the captain, "and I give him advice. Good advice, not like the stupid, 'go slowly and get to know her first' stuff you come up with Uhura."

Nyota and Hikaru both opened their mouths to reply, but the doctor said quickly, "Let's remember the captain has a head injury," and Hikaru bit back what he wanted to say.

Kirk continued magnanimously. "I'll give you some advice too, Sulu. You want to be a dad, you're going to need to fix that hug tolerating thing, I'm just saying."


	6. Chapter 5 Reassurance Over Breakfast

5\. Compromise About Noise, Friends, Mess

Reassurance Over Breakfast

December, 2258  
Officer's Mess  
Starship Enterprise

Hikaru shook his head as Pavel spooned eggs onto his bread. He asked, "Why would you put ketchup on that?"

Pavel smiled angelically, said, "It is delicious," folded the bread into a sandwich, and took a big bite.

"Be careful boy," Mr. Scott said, without looking up from the PADD he was reading. "You're starting to eat like an American, that's the first step down the slippery slope."

Pavel held the drippy sandwich up to his face and said to it, "Howdy, howdy. I am a cowboy."

Nyota smiled, Mr. Scott chuckled. The captain let loose with one of his loud laughs. All around the mess people turned to see what was funny. Pavel looked pleased and took another bite.

"Could you possibly hold it down until after I finish my coffee?" Hikaru asked Pav, because he couldn't ask the captain.

"I am not certain; can you drink quickly?" Pav asked gravely. Hikaru ignored him. Pavel picked up his sandwich and whispered, "Now little partner, I will eat you," to it, and took another bite. Around the table, officers laughed.

Hikaru shook his head. 'You're not funny," he said.

Pav chewed, swallowed, looked across the table at Hikaru thoughtfully and said, "A little funny."

"No," Hikaru said.

Pavel wrinkled his forehead. "Hangovers make it difficult to enjoy life."

Hikaru set his mug down and glared across the table. "Shut up Pav," he said.

Pavel nodded, shoved the rest of the sandwich into his mouth and gulped apple juice in after it.

"Okay," he said cheerfully. "I must go anyway, first to engineering to check my project."

"Which is a beauty," Mr. Scott added.

Pav grinned and continued. "Then to the bridge, so that I am ready to announce when our captain arrives for another excellent day on the Enterprise."

He jumped up, grabbed his tray, and then paused to ask, "How do the cowboys say good bye?"

"Do you even know what a cowboy is?" asked the captain.

"Sure, Mr. Sulu watches those vids all the time. Like Cossacks, but with less fur, they are riding around on horses fighting for good, always strong and silent. Just like me, except for the horse."

"And the silent," laughed the captain.

Hikaru sighed. Mr. Scott turned off his PADD and said, "The cowboys say, see yah round buckaroo."

"See yah round," Pavel copied, but then paused to ask, "Buckaroo is nice? Is alright to say it to the captain?"

"Just say good bye Pavel," Nyota said.

"Good bye Pavel," he said, and bolted for the door.

"Don't throw your," Hikaru called, but too late. Pavel tossed his tray at the recycling bin. It bounced against the wall, and tumbled a large pile of trays onto the belt that conveyed them to the decomposition units. The clatter made heads turn again. Pavel raised his arms above his head in a quick victory dance, then turned and ran toward the turbolift.

Mr. Scott and the captain laughed. Hikaru sighed again.

"That boy," Scotty said, "is the only human being in the universe who goes for an eight-kilometer run and comes back energized."

"I hate him at breakfast." Hikaru said sulkily.

"You hate life until you have your coffee." Nyota said soothingly. "Drink up."

"What's the hangover joke?" asked the captain.

"Nothing," Hikaru said. "He's trying to bug me."

"Seems to be working," Captain Kirk laughed. "What's he talking about?"

"It's stupid."

"I like stupid," the captain said. Nota rolled her eyes.

"Fine," Hikaru said. "Do you remember last week when Darwin got sick?"

"Sure, the day of Jefferson's good-bye party." the captain said.

"Yes, exactly. How did you know that? Did everyone know about this party but me? I was her supervisor, I should have known."

"Hikaru, Pavel talked about it all day." Nyota said. "He was excited."

"Really? I've been trying to pay more attention."

"Don't feel bad Sulu," the captain said. "It's impossible to share all his excitement. In that one shift he was excited about the robots repainting the passageway, blue jello in the mess, buying new laces for his running shoes, and the possibility that one of the nurses had recognized him."

"You were at least as excited about the blue jello as he was," Nyota snapped. "As soon as he mentioned it you were out of there like a shot. I know you went to get some."

The captain nodded. "You are correct Miss Uhura, I did. But, blue jello in the mess is a cause I have believed in for sometime. Anyway, I said his excitement was frequent, not inappropriate."

"Except the laces." Scott said. "Who cares about laces?"

Hikaru closed his eyes and muttered, "This is why I struggle with paying attention."

Nyota turned purposely away from the captain. "Go on with the story Hikaru."

"Darwin was sick. I called Chekov, who of course, didn't answer. I had to stay and work navigation until I could get the gamma guy to come in early. I was already in a bad mood about that, and still couldn't get Pav to respond, so I went down to his quarters to talk to him in person."

"Really though, you went to yell at him for not answering his comm," Nyota suggested.

Hikaru shrugged.

"You found the party," guessed the captain.

"It was pretty much finished, but there was about ten of them in his room playing cards. His quarters were even more horrible than usual."

"Horrible?" asked the captain.

"Have you ever seen Chekov's quarters?" Nyota asked.

Kirk shook his head. "It would be weird for me to visit the ensigns in their rooms Uhura."

"They're not tidy. They're always noisy, and usually crowded. Hikaru hates all those things." Nyota explained.

"It's not crowds I hate, it's crowds of obnoxious ensigns, like Pav's bunkmates. I do hate squalor."

"Squalor?" laughed the captain.

"Seriously Hikaru?" Nyota said doubtfully.

"Squalor," Hikaru replied firmly. "They don't make the beds."

"Ensigns berth in six bunk quarters. It's crowded. That's part of being an ensign." Scott said.

Hikaru nodded, "I know, I was an ensign. I hated living like that, and I hate revisiting it now. Anyway, I drank some punch, which turned out to be alcohol with fruit floating in it. It was stronger than I expected. He has been reminding me about it ever since."

Scott snorted. "You're a grown man. How do you not recognize liquor when you taste it?"

"I was distracted trying to not let any of the germy mess in that room ooze onto me. And by thinking about how much I hate Pav's bunkmates. He needs to do something about them."

"What do you suggest he do?" Nyota laughed.

"I don't know, tell them to shut up occasionally. Did you know they threw a party for him after we retrieved him from the slavers on Mertutio?"

"What's wrong with that?" Nyota asked.

"They told him it was customary for the rescued to buy the drinks. So of course, he did. Not a round, all of them. At a certain point, naive gets annoying."

The captain laughed, Hikaru continued sulkily, "For someone who doesn't like parties he seems to go to an awful lot of them."

"Why wouldn't he like parties?" asked Kirk.

"He didn't use to," Hikaru said grumpily.

"A wise friend told him, 'Do it once and it will never be hard again,'" Nyota said, copying Hikaru's voice.

"I created a regular little bon vivant," Hikaru said bitterly.

"A bon Wiwant," laughed the captain.

Hikaru swirled his spoon crankily around his mug, then looked up and said, "I told him they took advantage of him. He acted like I was the rude one."

Nyota said, "So, you walked into his room to yell at him, got drunk, insulted him, his friends, their food, I am going to guess you mentioned the music?"

"The loud and bad music blaring annoyingly? I don't remember."

Nyota smiled, "And yet, he's not the one still mad. Interesting."

"The point is, it wouldn't be Ensign Chekov's place to say I'm hungover even if it were true."

"Finish your coffee," Nyota said.

Hikaru took a sip and added, "I wasn't even drunk. I was slightly buzzed, very slightly. I hadn't eaten since lunch. It could have happened to anyone."

"It wouldn't have happened to me," Scotty said.

"Sulu's got no tolerance," the captain explained.

"Yes, I do," Hikaru said. He took a bigger drink and asked, "Did you know one of his bunkmates studies in the head while the rest of them play cards?"

"Lee?" asked Nyota. Hikaru nodded. She continued, "He's wound pretty tightly. Pasha says he won't leave if the rest of them are there because he's afraid they'll touch his stuff."

"Secret parties, drunken card games, crazy roommates hidden away in the bathroom, these guys sound way more entertaining than I would have assumed. Maybe I should start visiting the ensigns at home," the captain said.

"Not me. There's plenty of ensigns in my life as it is," Mr. Scott said, picking up his tray. "I better get down to engineering and see to it they don't break anything important."

The captain stood up. "I'll go with you. I want to see whatever it is Chekov's working on. He assures me it's interesting. I'll see you two on the bridge in twenty minutes." He followed Scott out. Nyota and Hikaru finished their food. Hikaru took a last sip.

"Feel better?" Nyota asked.

"I guess." Hikaru pushed his mug onto the tray and started to stand.

"We've got some time Hikaru. Why don't we discuss what's really wrong?" Nyota asked, placing a hand on his arm.

"Nothing," he said, but sat back down.

"You're a little tense." Nyota waited a few seconds, and then said, "a lot tense. You've been distracted and angry for days. What's going on?"

"I'm just," Hikaru began. He paused, feeling foolish, but forced himself to continue, "Remember how before we started the baby project I said I wasn't sure I would be good at it?" Nyota nodded. "It turns out I was right, but not for the reasons I thought. No, it turns out I am a fussy, aggressive hermit, and nobody should have to endure me as a parent. It's not funny Nyota, I came home from that party and wanted to lock the door to my quiet, clean, private, quarters and never let anyone else in there ever again."

"Your baby won't be an ensign for years Hikaru, it will be alright."

"No, it's me. I was like a crazy person."

"What do you mean?"

Hikaru grimaced, and then said, "Jefferson's father is Commodore Jefferson. He's got some beef with Kirk, and arranged her transfer off the ship. She resents it and was complaining about him. Everyone else joined in. It was like being with ten bitter little McCoys, all acting like their parents do nothing but cause them misery. It clearly triggered something. I started telling all of them that they were spoiled and that parents have a right to their lives too. I'm embarrassed to even think about it."

"Pavel too?" she asked.

"No, he was too busy watching me drink, looking like I was gambling away his college fund or something."

Nyota laughed and Hikaru finished, "I had a second drink just to show him I don't have to listen to him. In retrospect, not the most mature response."

"You were more than a little tiny bit buzzed. You get argumentative when you drink. It's like all the aggression you control on a normal day frees itself. It's not pretty."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do. Remember Toiden? Or Starbase 3? You weren't exactly Lieutenant Calm those nights."

Hikaru sighed, "You know Ensign York?"

"From engineering? Sure."

"How does Pav stand living with him? If there'd been room in that pigsty to draw my arm back I might have punched him."

Nyota shook her head. "You were definitely drunk."

"Yeah, maybe I was." He sighed and said, "I told you this was going to be a problem."

"Drinking?"

"No, well, I don't think so, being too protective. Someday someone's going to pick on my kid, I am going to lose it, and kill them."

"There's a difference between wanting to do something and doing it." Nyota said, smiling kindly.

He fiddled with his tray and then said, "I suppose. Although in this case, I kind of wish I had. They take advantage of him, and he just lets them. I don't get it."

"Hikaru," Nyota said. "Look at it from his point of view. He's six years younger than anyone else on that floor, and lots of them are jealous of him. They never include him in anything."

"Unless they can get him to pay for it."

"They finally invited him to a party, he wasn't going to antagonize them."

Hikaru shrugged. "I guess."

"Anyway, it kind of sounds like when you finished there wasn't a lot of antagonizing left undone."

"Hmm, I didn't think of that. I wonder what they said after I left? That must've been an interesting conversation. Poor Pav, I wonder how he put a positive spin on being friends with the ship's resident cranky, crazy guy."

"Okay, that would still be Dr. McCoy. No matter what, you weren't his level cranky."

"Don't be so sure."

"You know," laughed Nyota. "None of this has anything to do with you, or your decisions, or your child. You aren't having the baby so that it can appreciate you."

"I know," sighed Hikaru. "But Nyota, here's the thing. I know I have to compromise. I can learn to live with the mess. Ben's not as neat as me. What's one more person to clean up after? I can probably get used to the noise, or maybe we can have a no music rule at our house, that's a possibility. But they had complaints going back years. It's so depressing to realize someday my daughter will sit around listing my mistakes and failings."

"Now you are being crazy. First, most people don't make any lists Hikaru, you only think that because you do. Second, you are compromising for yourself, not for anyone else. Not fussing about tidiness will make for a relaxed home. That way you can enjoy your family. That's what you want, right?"

Hikaru thought, then shrugged. "You're right."

"You need to think of the baby, of compromising, of all of this, as doing what you want, not what you are being forced to do."

He nodded and said again, "You're right."

Her face softened, and she said, "Think about your own childhood. Don't you remember the good times more than the bad?"

"Yes," he said slowly.

She took his hand and said, "So will she. Stop ruminating. You are going to be a marvelous father."

Hikaru sat quietly, and then said, "You know, saying this out loud does make it sound sort of," He paused, searching for the right word.

"Unlikely?" suggested Nyota.

"I was going to say stupid."

"No, not stupid. You're never stupid Hikaru."

He smiled, "I drank straight alcohol out of a dirty cup to show a concerned eighteen-year-old that he's not the boss of me."

"You are rarely stupid," she amended.

"You know, you are making me feel oddly better. We should do this more often."

"Talk?"

He nodded, "You are good at this communication stuff, you know that?"

She smiled. "Me and my degree are always here for you. You know though, if you ever decide to share your happy news, other people could talk with you too."

He nodded. "I know I should start telling people. It's just, well, you're right. I'll do it soon, I promise."

He stacked his cup on his tray and smiled at her. "Okay," he said. "I can face the day. Come on." They placed their trays carefully in the recycling bin, and walked out the door to the turbolift.

"Bridge," Nyota ordered.

As they rode up Hikaru asked, "Should I apologize to Pav?"

"No," she said. "He's already forgotten. You could try getting up earlier and having more of your coffee in you before he shows up for breakfast tomorrow."

"Ha ha," he said. The doors opened.

She cocked her head and said, "I hear coffee is good for hangovers." Smiling broadly, she entered the bridge.


	7. Chapter 6 A Guy Walks Into a Bar

6\. Alcohol Doesn't Help, and Don't Rush Her Childhood

Drunken Reflections

January 2259  
Officers' Club  
USS Enterprise

The club was nearly empty. Hikaru was disappointed, he'd come in assuming he'd find someone to join for a drink. It was only the Officers' Club on the ship, but it felt weird to be in a bar alone. He considered leaving, but thought of his quiet quarters, and Ben's cube still in the viewer. He walked up to the bar, held his hand over the scanner and asked, "What brands of tequila do you carry?"

The dispenser replied in a pleasant, mechanical voice, "Due to restrictions of both licensing and space, all liquors served aboard Starfleet vessels are high quality, on board, replications. We feature Enterprise Tequila, a smooth drink with traditional flavor and effects."

Hikaru shook his head. He couldn't even get a drink without it being complicated. He said aloud, "Maybe I should just stick to the usual."

"Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu, you have ordered two Manhattans in the last 200 duty watches." The machine supplied.

"Two hundred?" he repeated doubtfully.

"Duty watches," clarified the machine.

Hikaru said, "Not even one a month, no wonder I don't have drinking buddies." He sighed. "Okay, well today, I am drinking tequila. Hit me." He waited while the machine poured, picked up the shot, and drank it. He shuddered, and then said, "I'll take the bottle."

The dispenser replied, "There are no bottles. Due to restrictions of,"

"You feature Enterprise Tequila, I forgot," Hikaru interrupted. He took another look around the nearly empty room. There was a group of red shirts talking quietly at a table. He turned back to the bar. "How about you pour a round for me and the guys from security? I'll deliver them."

The machine filled half a dozen shot glasses. Hikaru set them on a tray and started toward the officers. They were standing up, obviously preparing to leave. He nodded, and kept going, to a table in the far corner of the room.

Feeling foolish, he set down the tray and took a seat. The upside of no companion, he told himself, was that he wouldn't have to talk. He wasn't sure he wanted to put his worries into words yet. He picked up a glass and studied it. It was surprisingly heavy. Etched into the surface was a Starfleet insignia around an ornate E. He wondered why he'd never noticed it before, then remembered he'd never been in the Officer's Club drinking tequila before either. "E for Enterprise," he said quietly. "Enterprise tequila, Enterprise shot glass, Enterprise life." He swirled the liquid, trying to make a whirlpool.

"What are you staring at? It's not going to burst into flame. Drink it already." Leonard McCoy said gruffly.

Hikaru squinted across the table. He'd been focused on the drinks before he sat down. He hadn't noticed the ship's chief medical officer sitting in the shadows, as far from the bar as he could be. There was a scowl on his face and a half empty bottle of bourbon before him.

"Sorry Dr. McCoy, I didn't see you," Hikaru said. "I didn't mean to intrude, I'll go somewhere else." He started to pick up his tray but stopped to ask, "How did you get a bottle? They wouldn't sell me one."

"I brought my own," McCoy said.

"That was a good idea," said Hikaru. "I should have thought of that."

"I got no interest in asking some machine for a drink. I got no interest in talking to a machine for anything. I like a human reaction. If I am getting cut off, I want to see the disgust in their eyes when they do it."

Hikaru replied, "Yes sir, well, I'm sorry I disturbed you. I'll move."

"Stay Sulu. We can be depressed together." McCoy said, patting the seat next to him.

Hikaru slid his tray towards McCoy and sat down. He asked, "Why would you think I'm depressed?"

McCoy nodded at the drinks. "That's not a meal for happy people."

Sulu shrugged an acknowledgement. He wondered how long McCoy had been drinking in the corner. He wasn't slurring his speech, but his eyelids were droopy and he seemed more aggressively unhappy than was usual even for him.

McCoy looked at the plate and asked, "Sake?"

"No, this is tequila."

McCoy snorted. "Tell me again how you aren't depressed."

"Not depressed, not exactly, I just, I wanted to think and," he paused and added, "I don't know."

"Did you get bad news from home?"

"No, nothing like that. Did you?"

"Get bad news? No, it was super news. My daughter sent a nice long communication cube and told me how much she'd enjoyed her birthday party. A dream come true she said, the best gift her folks ever gave her. That's what she said, her folks. In case that wasn't clear enough she included a holo of herself dancing with her stepfather. They look very happy."

"That sounds, um, really not good Dr. McCoy." It actually sounded horrible, Hikaru thought. He wished he knew the doctor better, so he could say something appropriate.

McCoy shrugged. "Her mother probably posed them. I wouldn't put it past her to have asked them to smile extra big. Damn her black soul."

Hikaru asked uncertainly, "Do you want some tequila?

"You know Sulu, I might at that." They each took a glass.

"Cheers," said McCoy.

They emptied the glasses, then set them on the table.

Hikaru shuddered again, "It always tastes a little like old socks to me," he said.

"Then why'd you buy it?" asked McCoy.

"I don't know, it seemed appropriate." Hikaru toyed with the shot glass, then added, "Ben sent a cube, and I've felt a little restless since I watched it. I went to the gym, it didn't help, so I decided to get a drink."

"For your news that wasn't bad?"

"I guess."

"Don't be embarrassed. Look around. Every being in this room either got news that upset them, or is upset they didn't get news."

Hikaru checked the room again and said, "There's hardly anyone else here doc, It's kind of quiet."

"Oh," said McCoy, craning to see the room. "Well, it is now, but believe me, a while ago this place was full of misery. It always is after a mail call."

"I never knew," Hikaru said.

"That's cause you're not usually here." McCoy said, waving his finger. "You're a member of the third group, one of those that gets news and enjoys it."

"You're right, I do, usually."

McCoy grimaced. He drummed on the table with his fingers and then said, "We should drink to happy families."

Hikaru gave the doctor another shot and took one for himself. "To happy families," he said bitterly, and drained his glass.

"Now that doesn't sound like you," McCoy said. He slammed his empty one onto the table, raised both his arms and said seriously, "The doctor is in. Tell me what is wrong."

Hikaru shrugged, "It's so stupid." He paused and added, "Why did I say that? I don't say that, that's what Pav always says, 'so stupid.' Well, it is so stupid. I got a nice comm from Ben. I should have loved it. The baby's neuro scan is perfect, he included a holo of it, and one of he and his sister having tea to celebrate. She's starting to show. They look happy. Everyone is excited." He sighed and added, "I resent it and it bothers me that I do, except for occasionally when I am glad that they are there and I am here and I don't have to deal with the never-ending talk of placentas, and then, I am ashamed of feeling that way." He frowned and said, "I need another drink." He slid a glass to McCoy and took one for himself.

McCoy drained his, then asked, "You are jealous your husband is spending time with his pregnant sister?"

"No, not normally." Hikaru sighed, considered his options, and then said, "Here's the whole story. Renee' is carrying our child, mine and Ben's. I am missing the entire pregnancy. Ben has never been happier, and I'm not there. It feels weird."

"You are going to be a father."

Hikaru said morosely, "And guess what, it's a girl."

"It all becomes clear."

"This is sounding wrong. I was happy. I am happy. I just, I don't know, he has this whole baby focused life going on without me, and suddenly, I feel a little left out."

"You are going to be a father. That deserves a drink."

Hikaru frowned at the tray. "We're out of drinks."

"I brought my own, remember."

"Oh yeah, I forgot." Hikaru pushed two empty glasses forward. The doctor filled them with bourbon. They each took one.

"To your daughter," McCoy said, raising his glass.

"To my daughter," Hikaru agreed. It occurred to him that he had never used that phrase before, and despite his mood, he felt a tiny, happy, thrill run through him.

They slammed the empty glasses down.

"You know, I always thought that was the best part of tequila," Hikaru said, "that noise when the empty glass hits the table. Who knew I could enjoy it without drinking socks?"

"Now one to my daughter," McCoy suggested. Hikaru nodded. They refilled the glasses.

"To seventeen years in the blink of an eye," McCoy said.

"To what you said," Hikaru agreed. They drank quickly and again, hit the table with the empty glasses.

Hikaru asked, "She's seventeen?"

"Seems impossible, but it's true."

"But, you're so young."

"I started early."

"Hmmm," Hikaru said. He studied the doctor. He didn't like to pry, but he had questions, and there were so few people he could ask. He cleared his throat, "What's it like?"

"What's what like?"

"You know, having a kid."

"Don't ask me. I worked all the time, and then her mother took her away. It's no wonder she doesn't think of me as folks."

Sulu sighed and rolled his empty glass between his fingers. McCoy watched him and then said seriously, "it's good."

"Good how?"

"It's like nothing else. The first time you hold them they take a little piece of your heart, and from then on, they own it. And when you aren't with them, it always seems like something is missing."

"Really?"

"Yes, and when they are sad, you ache."

"Oh," Hikaru said.

McCoy rubbed his forehead. He said slowly, "When they need it, you can do things you never thought possible. And when you are with them, and they are happy, you feel complete in a way you never do at any other time. I haven't lived with her in years, but I still think of her every day, and worry about her, and want only good things for her."

"Wow, that's, that's beautiful doc."

"Thank you, my friend. We're friends, aren't we Sulu? I can call you that?"

"Absolutely doc. You know, you're the first person I told any of this to, because we are such great friends. Except Nyota and she forced it out of me."

"Oh yes, she does that. Woman has a will of steel."

"Yeah, apparently we're raising an ensign together," Hikaru said morosely.

The doctor nodded as if he'd heard something important, then said, "She is discreet. Don't worry, me too. I am a doctor, not a gossip. Well my friend, you are in for an adventure. My best advice is never let a money hungry, cheating, lie telling, spider get full custody."

"Okay," Hikaru agreed.

"Because that's when the problems start. Soon you'll have no money and be getting spiteful pictures."

"Ben is not like that. Ben is great. I knew this would happen, that I would be gone for the pregnancy. We talked about it. The weird thing is, I didn't think I would mind. But I do. I was sitting there, looking at those pictures, and I thought, I am shut out of my own life. If it bothers me this much to miss the second trimester neuro exam, how will I feel when I miss the first day of kindergarten? Because I will. I will miss most the big things."

"Like birthdays?" McCoy asked.

"Yes, exactly. I was looking at those holos, and it suddenly occurred to me that maybe I have signed myself up to feel bad about missing things forever."

"You did," McCoy agreed. He picked up the bottle and said, "Have another drink."

They had another, and one more after that. McCoy talked about his ex-wife. Hikaru had a little trouble following the stories, but the parts he did understand seemed incredibly meaningful.

Someone slammed both hands down on their table, hard. Their glasses wobbled. Surprised, Hikaru peered up and saw Captain Kirk, leaning over the table, looking exasperated.

"Bones, what the hell?" asked the captain.

"What're you doing here?" McCoy growled.

"You asked me to meet you here at shift change, remember? It's midnight. I've been waiting at the bar. I was going to comm you, but didn't want to interrupt something important in sick bay. I asked the computer to find you. Imagine my surprise when I learned we were in the same room. I thought you said you wanted a quick drink?"

"I did."

"It looks to me like you've had quite a few quick drinks."

"I been drinking with my friend Sulu. He understands."

"I see that. Hello Sulu, you don't drink."

"I do drink, sir."

"You occasionally have a glass of wine with dinner. That is not drinking."

"From now on, I drink tacoola."

"Tacoola? Are you trying to say tequila? We'll see how you feel about that six hours from now." The captain turned back to the doctor. "In the future Bones, when you are planning to have me cart you home, could you just tell me? Then I would know to bring a dolly or an anti grav sled or something. What am I supposed to do now? It's pretty much closing time, and I can't get the both of you home."

"Then we will stay here and drink some more," McCoy said, reaching for the bottle.

"No, we won't." The captain grabbed the bottle and set it on another table. "Sulu, can you walk?"

"Sure sir," Hikaru replied, and then giggled at how that sounded.

"Now?" prompted the captain.

Hikaru started to rise. His feet felt heavy. He had trouble making everything synchronize and slipped awkwardly back into his seat. "Wow," he said, "I did not expect that. I don't feel drunk."

"Oh, you are, believe me, I know drunk." the captain said. "This is a problem. You realize all the sensible beings left at shift change? There's no one to help me. If I ask Miller he has to write you both up. That'd be fine with Bones, probably be a point of pride, but I know you don't want to blemish your spotless record Sulu. Here's an idea, how about next time you good buddies drink in your own quarters?"

"Yes sir," Hikaru said respectfully.

"Yesssss ssssir." McCoy echoed rudely. He muttered, "I'm a doctor. I give orders, I don't take them."

"Not very well anyway," the captain said shaking his head. "Sulu, give me your communicator."

"Why?" Hikaru asked.

"Okay, seriously guys, I am the captain. I can only allow so much; say yes sir, and hand it over."

"Yes sir," Hikaru said, patting his legs until he felt the hard case of his communicator. He gave it to the captain. "My legs feel thick," he said.

McCoy nodded. "Perfectly normal," he said.

"Just sit there, I've got a plan." The captain paged rapidly through Hikaru's contacts. He found the one he wanted and pressed to connect. "Hey, it's Kirk. Yes, Captain Kirk, do you know any other Kirks? I'm fine, how are you? Great. Yeah, I know it's Sulu's, I borrowed it. Listen, are you busy? Seriously? It's midnight Chekov. Huh, that far? Well, congratulations I guess. Can you put it on pause or something? I need your help. Good, I thought you would be. Come down to the Officers' Club, we're in the back. What? That's ridiculous. Tell them I ordered you to appear, if they give you any hassle yell for me. And don't stop to visit with anyone, hurry."

Kirk closed the comm and handed it to Sulu. "Problem solved. He's of course happy to help. I was afraid he would be asleep, but no, he's playing vids."

McCoy said, "He should be home playing soccer with the neighborhood kids."

"He's eighteen, not ten, plus I don't think he had neighborhood kids." Sulu said.

"Who cares? He shouldn't be on a starship. It's like my Joanna. They're kids. Let kids be kids, I always say. Don't push them into adulthood with parties, or positions on starships, or what have you. Remember that Sulu my friend, don't rush them through childhood."

"Okay doc," Hikaru replied seriously. "I promise."

The captain asked, "He said they won't let him in here. Is that true?"

Hikaru nodded. It made him feel a little dizzy so he closed his eyes. Eventually he thought he had probably been nodding too long and stopped. Then he remembered to talk. "That's true. It's twenty-one and over."

"Since when? He's an officer, he should be able to get a drink if he wants one."

Hikaru said, "It's not about drinking, it's about noise levels and broken furniture, long story, very depressing."

"And legitimate concern," McCoy added.

Hikaru continued, "Anyway sir, I don't think he cares. I played cards with him and some other guys last night, no, last week, oh, sometime. Anyway, they all brought bottles, mixed them together, and drank that. They seemed perfectly happy."

"Poison Punch," said the captain. "I loved that in high school. We drank it all the time." He shook his head reflectively then added, "Hear that Bones? You can stop worrying, he's enjoying his teen years."

McCoy snorted.

Hikaru added thoughtfully, "Poison or not, he drank me under the table."

"Sulu," the captain said, "no insult, but kittens could drink you under the table. Is he any good?"

Hikaru thought for a few seconds before he answered. "You know sir, yes he is. It's hard to explain. People think I'm his self-appointed guardian or something, but really, I just enjoy his company. Well, not when he's drinking with other ensigns, that was painful, but usually, because he's interesting, and funny, and smart. I mean, yes, he's young and he's missed a few experiences, and I help him occasionally. But he is mature in some ways, like work ways and being happy ways. See, on the ship, most of us are always thinking about our careers. I admit it, even me. We have to be. We all have the same goal, and most people will work all their life and not get it. You have to keep getting the best assignments, the next promotion, a bigger ship, it's always push hard to the next important thing. He's not like that. Mostly, he feels like whatever he's doing is important, so he loves it all. He reminds me to enjoy life. Sometimes, I need that. So, yes, he is a very good friend."

The captain stared at him, forehead wrinkled and eyebrow raised. Hikaru wondered if he might have been talking too much. He tried to remember how the topic had come up, but couldn't.

The captain continued to look at Hikaru for several seconds more, and then said slowly, "I meant is he any good at cards?"

Confused, Hikaru looked around the empty club. "Who?"

"Chekov, we're talking about Chekov. When you played cards, who won?"

"Oh. Um, he did, I think."

"What were you playing, were you playing poker?"

"Uh, yes sir, poker."

"So, he's good at poker, interesting. I thought he might be. How about you, are you any good?"

"I do alright."

"Bones and I play cards Saturday nights. There's kind of a revolving group, but Scotty usually comes, and Giotto, sometimes Spock and Uhura. You should join us. Bring him along. We could use some fresh talent, or meat, depending on how it goes."

"That would be great!" Hikaru said. He had never considered it before, but suddenly, socializing with the captain seemed like a wonderful idea.

Kirk looked at him doubtfully and added, "I'll send you a message tomorrow, you know, a reminder, just in case anything about this evening seems a little fuzzy or something."

McCoy said, "You know kid, that boy is clever. You might lose."

Kirk smiled confidently, "Or he might. We won't know till we play."

Hikaru nodded. "So true," he said. He closed his eyes and wondered how he had never before noticed how many profound things the captain said.

"Don't go to sleep Sulu," Kirk said. Hikaru opened his eyes. The captain was frowning at the door. "You don't suppose he decided to try and get to some new level before he came down?"

McCoy interrupted, "Chekov is playing vid games? It's midnight on a work night. He should get some sleep. What is wrong with that boy?"

"I already told you that Bones, and anyway, I thought you wanted him out playing kick the can in the fresh air?"

"You've got an answer for everything tonight, don't you? I'm a doctor, not an answer listener."

The captain laughed, "You probably should stop talking, you're not making any sense."

"More answers Kirk?"

"They're all work nights," Hikaru said. "He's usually in engineering second shift, so if he wants to play vids it has to be at night. We don't really have lives."

"You sound like McCoy," laughed the captain. "We have the best lives there are."

McCoy asked, "You know what's a bad life? Being married to a spider."

The captain said firmly, "Don't start, I am in no mood for a recitation of the misadventures of Dr. and Mrs. Leonard McCoy. Just remember if there were no Jocelyn, there would be no Joanna."

McCoy muttered, "Seventeen, how did that happen?"

"No, no, he's eighteen now," Hikaru said. He turned to McCoy, "Doc, I should have a party or something, get my friends together. I bet you two would hit it off."

"I doubt it," McCoy said gruffly. "I don't like anyone."

"You like everyone Bones," the captain said. "You just don't like to admit it. If you have a party Sulu, invite me, and get Chekov to make the punch, for old times' sake." He looked over Hikaru's head and smiled, "There's your little sidekick now."

"Excuse me Captain Kirk, but he says you're going to vouch for him sir?" asked Lieutenant Miller, the security officer who served as general manager of the club. He stood a respectful distance from the table, with his arms crossed and a skeptical expression on his face. Next to him was Chekov, at attention, but grinning excitedly.

"Yeah, Miller, thanks. We'll be out of here quickly. I just need him to help me with something." Captain Kirk said, gesturing to the table and his officers.

Miller nodded. "Yes sir. You need anything from me?"

"Discretion?" the captain asked with a smile.

"I understand perfectly sir, let me know if you change your mind." Miller nodded, saluted, and purposely turned his back on the group.

"Good man Miller," Kirk called. He added quietly to McCoy and Hikaru, "You guys owe him." He nodded at the ensign. "At ease Chekov. Nice response time. What did you do, slide down a Jefferies tube?"

"Yes sir."

"Seriously?" asked the captain and doctor at the same time.

"You said to hurry. Hello Lieutenant Sulu, Dr. McCoy."

"Hey Pav," Hikaru said, waving.

"Stop playing vid games. You are a growning boy. You need to sleep," the doctor said with a scowl.

"I am groaning?"

"I think he's trying to say 'growing.' They're drunk," explained the captain.

"Yes sir," Pavel nodded. He looked at the pair skeptically, and then said sadly, "Again Hikaru? This is so stupid, you don't drink."

Hikaru asked, "Why does everyone think I don't drink? I drink. I happen to know I drink a Manhattan or two every couple hundred shifts. Of course, in college, things were different. I partied all the time."

"You did?" Kirk asked doubtfully, "and what does he mean 'again?' Just what is it you do in your off-time Sulu?"

"I partied all the time, unless I had an early class, or a paper to write, or if it was starting to get close to finals."

The captain laughed, Hikaru continued, "But then I met Ben. Happy people don't sit in bars and drink."

"I wouldn't know," McCoy said.

"No," Hikaru said wistfully, "They talk, and listen to each other, and everything is so interesting that sometimes they forget to finish their meal. That's probably why everyone thinks I don't drink. I have just been too happy."

McCoy snorted, then frowned at Chekov and said, "Young man, stay out of the Jefferies tubes. They're for emergencies."

Chekov was frowning at Hikaru, but answered McCoy. "It is perfectly safe sir."

"I'm a doctor, and I say it isn't."

Kirk interrupted. "Chekov, can you help me get them to bed?"

"Yes sir." Pavel said, still staring critically at Hikaru.

"I don't need help from a child, from a pair of childs." McCoy said.

"Shut up Bones. Do you think you could handle Sulu Chekov?" asked Kirk.

Pavel said, "Perhaps I should assist the doctor sir, I think he is lighter." Hikaru thought he sounded resentful, which was out of character.

"Yeah," the captain said, "but he's drunker." Hikaru wondered if the captain had noticed Chekov's tone too, because he added, "Are you sure you're okay with this? You don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

"We could be scary," McCoy warned. "Boo," he yelled. Hikaru started to laugh.

Pavel said, "I have experience."

"You do?" Captain Kirk said skeptically.

He nodded, "Sir, in Russia I have put to bed far drunker people than this. You should see New Year's at my grandmother's."

"In Russia, the drunks are drunker than just any old, average, Starfleet issue drunks," McCoy said.

"Yes sir, exactly," Pav said seriously.

The captain sighed, "Finally, something about Russia I believe. Okay then, I'll manage Sulu, you get McCoy. Bones, let him help you."

"Aye aye ssssssirr." McCoy said, distorting his face to copy Kirk's expression. The captain waited, arms crossed until Hikaru stopped laughing, then grabbed his arm and pulled him out of his chair.

Once he was upright, Hikaru concentrated hard, walked carefully, and tried to seem normal. The captain kept him from running into anything. McCoy was less cooperative, and staggered first one way and then the other, complaining about the lighting. It took some effort, but they made it out the door. When they got to the turbolift McCoy refused to enter it until, after encouragement from the captain, Chekov grabbed him and swung him in. They fell against the far wall.

"God, you are young," McCoy said, looking at Chekov's face like he had never seen it before.

"Yes sir," laughed Pavel.

"What were you guys celebrating anyway?" asked the captain.

McCoy scowled. "Celebrating? We are depressed. Haven't you seen depressed people before?"

"Your celebrating and your depressed look pretty similar to me. So, what are you depressed about? And don't mention Jocelyn."

"We are absentee fathers, unappreciated by our children and mocked by our one time loves who, on the captain's orders, shall be nameless."

"Not me," Hikaru said. "Ben is happy, not mocking."

"Oh yeah, I forgot," McCoy groused. "Sulu's depressed because his husband is racking up treasured parenting memories without him."

"You are hallucinating Bones. Sulu's not a father."

"I am a father captain, I drink and I am a father. I do drink and I will be a father, in a few months. We are into the second trimester. Yay, in an ambivalent way."

"Really?" Chekov yelled.

"It's true Pav, I should have told you earlier, but I don't know, it's weird."

Chekov shoved McCoy against the bulkhead and launched himself toward Hikaru. He connected with enough force to push Hikaru, the captain and himself into the opposite wall. He wrapped his arms around the bigger man and yelled, "Congratulations!"

"Stop Chekov, he doesn't need any help falling down," snapped the captain, shoving Sulu upright. "And calm down. For this plan to work all the non-drunks are going to have to remain calm."

Hikaru grimaced and said, "Personal space Pavel."

Pavel stepped back. "Sorry," he said, "I forgot, I am so happy."

Hikaru nodded, "Thanks." He turned to the captain. "It's not his fault. He does that. I was hugged less by guys when I was dating."

"I don't know if he's ever mentioned this to you Sulu, but he is from Russia," McCoy explained, enunciating carefully.

Pav was babbling excitedly, Hikaru focused hard and made out, "...such exciting news, congratulations. You should have told me. Now I understand, it is not so surprising. You have a good reason to be drunk, and I accept it, but no more after this, right? You will stop?"

"Thanks Pav, I'm glad you're happy. Nyota didn't think you would be."

"Why not? I am so happy."

"You've mentioned that," said the captain. "Alright guys, this is Bones' floor."

"It is time to leave," Pavel said encouragingly, pulling gently at McCoy.

The doctor shook his head. "Nope, I am going to sick bay."

The captain held the turbolift door and said, "Nope, you're going to bed, get him out of there Chekov. Hug him if you have to."

"Aye sir," laughed Pavel, tugging harder.

In the passageway, the lights were dimmer and Hikaru found it more difficult to walk. "The hall is spinning," he said, putting a hand to his head.

The captain shook his head. "You're fading Sulu, and I am not risking a walk to your room. You're sleeping in Bones' quarters. After all, you're close friends now, and there's a couch."

Pavel said cheerfully, "This day was so boring, and now it is so great."

"Why would you be happy? It's not your baby." McCoy said.

"No, but I can help. I will buy presents, and I will teach him to play the piano."

"That's nice Pav," Hikaru said. "It's a girl though."

"Don't tell us the name. It can bring bad luck. Let the first person you tell be the child."

Kirk sighed, "I keep telling you Chekov, there's no such thing as bad luck."

"Perhaps not for you Captain Kirk, but most people do have bad luck."

"At last, someone says something sensible. I'll drink to that," McCoy said.

"No more drinks Bones. You are going to bed." the captain said firmly. He led them to a door labeled, McCoy, L. CMO and pushed at the keypad.

"You know his code?" asked Hikaru.

"You keep forgetting Sulu, I'm the captain. I can override all of your locks. Anyway, this isn't the first time I've put him to bed. You should be prepared. Your new friend celebrates many of the significant milestones in his life this way. His wedding anniversary for instance, sometimes his daughter's birthday. What else Bones?"

"You should talk. I've helped you through a few memories," the doctor growled.

The captain laughed. "Very true, Bones. You know, it's probably fortunate for our careers that neither of us have much family."

The door opened and the lights came on. They lurched into the sitting area of a sparsely decorated senior officer's stateroom.

"That's yours Sulu," Kirk said, gesturing towards the cushioned bench that ran along the far wall. "Take Bones through that door Chekov, it's the bedroom."

Pavel looked nervously at the captain. He didn't relax his grip on the doctor, but neither did he move.

"What?" asked Kirk.

The ensign said uncertainly, "In Russia, drunk people sleep in their clothes."

Kirk sighed, "That'll be fine. Don't undress him, just push him onto the bunk. He'll stay down. Grab his boots if he'll let you. And then come help Sulu with his. I'm the captain and the mastermind. I am not taking off boots."

Looking relieved, Chekov pulled the doctor towards the bedroom door.

Hikaru sagged onto the couch. "It's like I can feel the ship moving."

Kirk went into the bathroom. Hikaru could hear him rummaging through a cabinet. He came out carrying a bucket. He set it by the couch and whispered, "Use this if you need it. I am not sure even Chekov could be convinced it's an honor to clean up after you, and I am definitely not doing it." The ensign reentered the room and the captain said in a louder voice, "Here he is now, let him help you Mr. Sulu."

"Yes sir," Hikaru said. Pavel knelt at his feet and pulled at his boots. Embarrassed, Hikaru leaned forward to help, but a wave of dizzy nausea forced him to sit back and hold still until it passed. He moaned, "Pav, you shouldn't have to do this."

"I don't mind." Pavel said. "I am glad to be included in the celebration for your child."

"It's not a celebration, we are depressed dammit," McCoy yelled from the bedroom.

"Go to sleep Bones," called the captain. He turned to the ensign and added, "Seriously Chekov, how is it possible for you to function so well in the real world while living so completely in your fantasy one?"

Hikaru closed his eyes. "I am not depressed, maybe a little overwhelmed, but, I'll be happy about it all again soon."

"I am happy right now."

Kirk muttered, "Yes, Chekov, we have established beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are really, really happy. Honestly, I don't get it."

Pavel looked up, one boot in his hands, "Hikaru is sharing this amazing news with us, what could be better?"

"Lots of things, a nice steak, an Orion girl with long legs, winning." said the captain. "Listen Sulu, I'll take you and Bones off the duty roster for tomorrow. You'll have to deal with Chapel about the medical forms. Personally, I'd consider that punishment enough, but unfortunately, we'll still have to talk eventually about why this was such a poor idea."

"Yes sir, whatever you say." Hikaru sighed and added, "Pav, thanks, but I don't know. I'm worried I might be bad at this whole parenthood thing."

Chekov looked shocked, "You will be a great father."

"People say that, but no one really knows. I'm not affectionate, and I'm boring. I have a bad temper. Maybe she's lucky that I'll hardly ever see her."

"Hikaru," Pav said seriously, "you have never allowed yourself to fail at anything, and this is something important, of course you will do well. Besides, already you are good at the things a father must do."

Hikaru opened his mouth to object, but the captain said, "Well, this should be interesting. What things Mr. Chekov, must fathers do?"

"Have money," Pavel said seriously. "Hikaru has a job."

"I'll be a paycheck. It won't matter that I am never going to be there. Renee' and Ben can be a happy family. They'll get my money, and I'll get pictures of her at dances." Hikaru said. He lay down on the couch. His stomach hurt, his head ached, and he felt miserable.

The captain asked Chekov, "That's it? That's the best you've got?"

Pavel stood up, slipped Hikaru's boot under his arm, looked thoughtful and started to count on his fingers, "Hikaru is not bad tempered. He is good tempered and speaks respectfully to everyone."

"Seriously," said the captain.

"Yes," said Chekov, "even when he tells me to shut up, it is in a nice way."

"I don't tell you to shut up," Hikaru protested.

Pavel continued, "He only hits people that deserve it. He never loses his temper because he is drunk. In fact, until recently, I had never seen him drunk, and I am hopeful this new responsibility will inspire him to again control himself." Hikaru tried to object, Pavel side eyed him resentfully and continued quickly. "He is always encouraging when he tries to teach me to defend myself, even though I am bad at it."

The captain looked like he wanted to laugh, but only said, "Now I'm depressed."

Hikaru shook his head, regretted it, and said, "Pav."

Pavel continued, tapping his next finger as if he hadn't heard them, "A father should be interested in their children. Hikaru is interested in everything."

"Yes, but his interests don't tend to maintain. Have you thought about what might happen when it's planting time? The baby and arugula will have to fight it out for his attention." laughed Kirk.

Hikaru thought that was a little much, he tried to think of a response but Pav beat him to it. "Captain," he said, "He does not talk about it and I did not wish to embarrass him, but Hikaru loves Ben, and he will love their baby. That is the most important thing."

The captain raised an eyebrow but didn't respond. "And, he has a great job," Pavel repeated hopefully.

Kirk shrugged. "Fine Chekov, you win. Sulu, I've known guys who tried to parent who had less going for them. I shouldn't be so negative, congratulations."

Hikaru moaned, "I'm never going to be there. Ben is going to raise her alone."

Kirk sounded suddenly weary when he said, "Sulu, just do the best you can. The kid will understand."

Pavel looked from the captain to his friend, and said, "Don't worry Hikaru, she will know you love her, and she will love you. It will be great, and I will help."

"Why are you such a nice guy?" murmured Hikaru, his eyes closed. "You know who's going to be a great father Pav? You."

"I hope, but do you know who's going to be a great father soon Hikaru? You."

"Oh man, he's right." said Hikaru, and reached for the bucket.


	8. Chapter 7 A Decision

7\. Honor Your Committments

Some Miscommunication Straightened Out

February, 2259  
Quarters of Danessk Sh'shpsha  
Starship Enterprise

Danessk slipped the last polished disk into place. "We have succeeded," he said, drawing out the s and soft c sounds, as Salalsphans, with their long, narrow tongues, all did.

"We won," Hikaru agreed with satisfaction. He opened his PADD and snapped a holo. Every finished arrangement was more lovely than the last. Playing the game was becoming a bit of an artistic outlet. The pieces were beautiful. Just handling them made Hikaru happy.

The game was like no other he had ever encountered. Two individuals worked together, following seperate rules to move small, glowing asymmetrical pieces into formations that duplicated patterns projected on a screen. The patterns became more complicated with each success. There were points awarded for completing a pattern, and for using all of one's pieces. The game required cooperation, and selflessness, as teams sometimes benefitted from individuals acting against their own interests. Hikaru found the game as intellectually demanding as chess, and enjoyed not playing against any of his hyper competitive crew mates. He and Danessk played several times a week, whenever the Salalsphan wasn't on call.

Leiutenant Sh'shpsha was a doctor, temporarily assigned to the Enterprise. Shortly after he arrived, Danessk had sent out a request looking for a fencing partners. Hirkaru had responded, and had been surprised by how much he had enjoyed himself. It had been a long time since he had sparred with someone of Danessk's skill. After each match they began going to dinner, and the men had found they had other shared interests. They both enjoyed politics, and read histories. Their discussions went so long that they began to go to the officers club after their shared dinners. Danessk introduced Hikaru to port, and they kept talking. One day Danessk had brought along a set and introduced Hikaru to the game, which was a favorite pass time on his planet. Members of the crew kept interupting their games, so they had started playing in their quarters.

They took turns hosting, but Hikaru preferred his visits to Danessk's quarters. Danessk had traveled a great deal during his time in Starfleet, his quarters reflected that, and his excellent taste. Although he planned to be with the crew only a few month, he had filled the space with exotic, elegant things. Every object had a story, and Hikaru loved to listen to Danessk talk. He was self deprecating, and witty; even his voice was a treat.

Danessk started to return the pieces to their case. Hikaru sipped his drink and said, "I like this game. Say its name again."

"Hassha," Danessk said.

"Hassha," Hikaru repeated, knowing he did not do it well.

Danessk smiled, which made him look dangerous. The doctor was older than Hikaru, but his species aged slowly, and he appeared to be in his prime. Early in their evolutionary process, the Salalsphans had been exclusively carnivorous. Their physiology reflected it. They were humanoid, but taller and leaner than most humans, with very well developed muscles. Like most of his kind, Danessk had a large head, and a strong, powerful neck. His dark eyes were much larger than a human's and seemed even more so, because Danessk kept himself hairless, and his ears were slits set far back on his skull. Danessk's teeth were large and pointed, his jaw quite prominent to accommodate them. Hikaru occasionally thought Danessk looked something like a human might, just beginning to transform to a werewolf, wild and very strong. It was attractive, very masculine.

Danessk looked at Hikaru and said, "I like the game too. We play well together. I would like to play more with you Hikaru, would you like to play with me?"

"Sure, I," Hikaru paused. Danessk continued to stare at Hikaru with his large, dark eyes.

HIkaru asked, "You aren't talking about the game are you?"

"No," Danessk agreed.

"I had no idea," Hikaru started to blush, then blurted, "I'm married."

"So am I," laughed Danessk, showing his perfect, pointed teeth.

"Humans usually expect fidelity in marriage," Hikaru said slowly, watching the strong muscles of Danessk's jaw move underneath his fair skin.

"Not in my experience," Danessk said, still smiling.

I bet not, Hikaru thought. Danessk was not just handsome. He was smart, and very charming. It was unlikely he got turned down often. It was, he supposed, a compliment to be considered by such a being. He tried to think what to say and wished he were better at discussing relationships.

"Ben and I, um, Ben is great," he finally said, then realized he had not said no.

Danessk laughed. "Shasscha is also great, but he is not dead. I would never wish him to sit and wait for me, all his physical needs unfulfilled. He would not desire that for me. My interest in you does not mean I wish to change anything about my relationship with Shasscha."

"I guess I don't understand."

"I am looking for a lover." He reached out and put his large hand over Hikaru's. His lovely dark eyes narrowed and he asked, "You know what that is?"

"Yes, of course," Hikaru said. In the years before Ben he'd had a fair amount of experience. He'd had sex with all his boyfriends, several acquaintances, and a few strangers. It had always been so easy. But Ben had changed everything, and he had been faithful since before they had decided to marry. He had never even been much tempted I'm not tempted, he thought, but then thought that Danessk was handsome, probably the most attractive being he had ever met. Then he thought that it had been months, and it would be months more, and every conversation he and Ben now had somehow revolved around the baby.

Danessk pulled Hikaru's hand to his nose and rubbed his face along the side of it. Hikaru had thought he was hairless, but he could feel stubble. It tickled against the outer edge of Hikaru's thumb. Danessk paused at Hikaru's wrist, then held the hand out, and gazed at it as he spoke. "Of course you know. You are so handsome, you will have had many lovers. I wish to be one."

Hikaru had always found Danessk's voice to be one of his best features. It was deep, and his accent made him sound cultured. The way he said his words made it impossible not to think of his long, narrow tongue, to imagine it on his skin. Hikaru cleared his throat. "Ben is my lover," he said.

"Ben is not here." Danessk said. You are. I am proposing only that you and I enjoy each other's company. It would be fun, for pleasure, and entirely without responsibility. We would continue to talk, to play Hassha, and then sometimes we could enjoy each other's bodies."

Pleasure without responsibility, Hikaru thought. He looks perfect, and he knows the perfect things to say.

"I am very experienced," Danessk said confidently. "I have had a great many human lovers. I will make you glad."

"I am sure," Hikaru began, but Danessk shifted his weight, pushing Hikaru against the bulkhead. His mouth pressed over Hikaru's open one, and his long tongued rolled against his mouth and flicked away. He was taller, and heavier, and the weight of him pushing Hikaru into the wall was perfect.

After the kiss, Danessk pulled back, studied Hikaru's face and smiled with satisfaction. Hikaru shook his hair out of his eyes. He tensed, but did not push the larger man away.

"You are handsome, and interesting," Danessk said in an offhand manner. "I can tell when you look at me that you find me compelling. But I confess part of my attraction to you is your nonavailability. You are not desperate. So often my interest is misinterpreted as love. Love is for the old." He pulled Hikaru's hand to his mouth, and ran his teeth along the skin of his inner arm. The pressure made Hikaru shiver. "For now, I am interested in pleasure. Do you not agree?"

His own mouth was dry. His breath was rapid. He imagined Danessk's tongue in his mouth again. This is when it matters, Hikaru thought. He sighed, pulled his hand out of Danessk's grip and said, "No. I don't. I'm sorry." He pushed Danessk away, firmly but gently. "I promised," he said then paused, and tried to organize his thoughts. "I appreciate this Danessk. Please believe me. I feel, I guess I feel complimented. But I love Ben. I don't want to do this."

Danessk raised an eyebrow, shrugged, and moved back. "Of course," he said. "That is why I ask. We still can play Hassha?"

"Sure," Hikaru said, "and fence, as long as we understand each other."

"We do," Danessk said, then laughed and said, "Actually, I do not understand you at all, but I will respect your wishes."

"That's probably good enough," Hikaru said. "I should probably go."

"As you wish," Danessk said pleasantly, and showed him to the door.


	9. Chapter 8 Heart to Heart

8\. Make It Clear They Are Important

Heart to Heart with the Captain, and Strangely, it Wasn't Even Too Uncomfortable

March, 2259  
Botany Labs  
Starship Enterprise

The door to the lab slid open and the captain bound in. "Sulu?" he called. "I've been looking for, oh sorry, you're busy."

Hikaru said, "It's fine, sir. Come in."

The captain slid onto the stool next to Chekov, and leaned eagerly across the table. "I've got a great idea. Did you know there's a hand to hand combat tourney in security? Let's enter a team from command. Are you interested?"

"Sure," Hikaru said.

"I knew you'd be up for it. Giotto's killing me. Always talking about how great his teams look, and how it's impossible to guess which one is going to win. I can't listen to him brag anymore without at least putting up a fight."

"Literally, apparently."

"Huh? Oh, yeah, good one Sulu. So, what do you think?"

"Sounds great," Hikaru said, without looking up from his tricorder.

Kirk asked, "Know what else occurred to me? If we do well enough we could take the team to the competition at the academy during the Memorial Day Festivities."

"Maybe," Hikaru said, still watching for the light to blink and tell him the scan was finished.

"Sulu, this is a great idea. You should be more enthusiastic," Kirk said.

Hikaru shrugged. "Mr. Giotto is not going to let you compete sir."

"That's the beauty of this plan Sulu. It's a team. I'm integral, founding, member. You know how Giotto feels about esprit de corp. He won't stop me."

"I hope you're right sir."

Kirk grinned. "I feel confident."

"We'll need to win on the ship before we start planning trips to Earth." Hikaru said. The light blinked, and he set his plant down.

"We'll win." The captain leaned his elbows on the lab table. "Who else should we get? There can be six team members, no restrictions beyond that they all be command track."

"I trust the team captain to make good choices." Hikaru said, reaching for the next specimen.

"Thanks for the confidence," Kirk said, then asked, "What're you doing?"

"Scanning plants for my research, I'm studying the effect manipulations of genetic materials have on tolerance to temperature variations. I have to measure the growth very regularly."

"Sounds boring," the captain said.

"It keeps me busy," Hikaru said.

"It must. I stopped at your quarters, and three different crew members told me you'd be in the labs."

"I'm here a lot." Hikaru agreed.

Kirk turned in his seat, "What are you doing Chekov?" he asked.

"Nothing sir," Pavel said.

"Chekov, you are obviously doing something," the captain said dismissively. "Show me."

The ensign sighed and held up a pad. The captain squinted at it, then looked at the seedlings. "Did you draw those plants?"

Pavel nodded.

"Why?" asked the captain.

Pavel looked at Hikaru, who said, "I asked him to."

"Gentlemen," laughed the captain. "We have these things called holos, they are almost instantaneous, and accurate. You should try them."

Hikaru said calmly, "Holos would be more efficient, but the drawings are lovelier." Pavel rolled his eyes.

"You're an artist too?" Kirk asked.

Pavel shook his head.

"Yes," Hikaru said.

"I understand angles," Pavel said listlessly.

"So do I," said the captain, "I never use them for art though."

Pavel said, "This is not art, sir."

"Then what is it?" Kirk asked.

"Illustration," Pavel said.

"Art," Hikaru corrected without looking away from his plants.

Pavel smiled sadly. He set the pad down, and said, "I should go, Good night sirs." He started to the door.

"What's wrong?" asked the captain.

The ensign stopped, "Nothing sir," he said.

"Wait," Hikaru said. He reached under the table and pulled out a stack of the papers. He thumbed through them, then handed one to Pavel and said, "Is it realistic to think you can finish by the next mail drop?"

Pavel nodded.

Hikaru continued. "Don't stay up all night or anything to do it."

"No," said Pavel.

"And don't skip work," Hikaru paused, then said firmly, "any work."

"No, I wouldn't do that," Pavel sighed. He glanced at the paper in his hand. "I'll start tomorrow, after I finish in engineering."

"Okay then," Hikaru said. The ensign started to the door again.

Kirk frowned as he watched the exchange. He asked uncertainly, "Do you want to be on our team Chekov?"

Pavel stopped and looked at the captain doubtfully. "For the combat tournament?"

"Yeah, we have to find some more people, we could probably use you, for something, or you know," the captain's voice trailed off.

Pav and Hikaru exchanged amused looks. "Thank you, sir," Pavel said, sounding more like his cheerful self, "but you would prefer to win."

"Tell him what your go-to defensive move is Pav," instructed Hikaru.

"That was a joke Hikaru, sort of." Pavel said.

"Tell him, he'll think it's funny too."

"What's your best move Chekov?" asked the captain.

"Smiling and hoping for the best," Pavel said shyly.

The captain laughed. Pav smiled at the floor. Hikaru reached for another plant.

Kirk asked, "So you don't want to be on our team?"

"No sir," Pavel said, "but I will cheer for you."

"Well, if you're certain," Kirk said.

Chekov nodded and started to the door. It slid open.

"Pav," called Hikaru. The ensign paused. "You want to run in the morning?"

Chekov looked over his shoulder and asked doubtfully, "Do you?"

"Yes, if you agree not to talk too much at breakfast after. Where shall I meet you?"

"Deck 17 at 06:00?"

"Okay," Hikaru said. "But I am running not one second more than 40 minutes, so if you are planning to go longer start earlier. Got it?"

Pavel nodded, and popped through the door before it closed.

Kirk turned to Sulu. "He seemed down. That's not like him. He's like the happiest guy in the universe."

"Hmmm," Hikaru said noncommittally.

"Did I hurt his feelings?" Kirk asked. "Maybe I shouldn't have talked about the tournament in front of him, but I didn't think that he'd want to be in it. I mean, it really doesn't seem like his kind of thing."

Hikaru shook his head, "Don't worry about it sir, he'd never want to do something like that."

"What's wrong with him?"

Hikaru shrugged and picked up another plant.

The captain grabbed the pad and studied the sketch. "This is good, but a holo would be more accurate."

Hikaru set down the plant he was measuring and said, "I do holo them, in case I ever decide to publish this study."

"I don't get it, then why have him draw them?"

Hikaru took one of the sketches from the pile. He rubbed a finger across it and then said, "I like them, and it gives him something to look at besides me when we talk."

"What do you mean?" asked the captain.

Hikaru looked thoughtfully at the captain for a few seconds, then said. "I know it seems like he is, but Chekov is not always happy. He's just not good at sharing unhappy. So, when he seems down, I ask him to draw me some plants. I can usually get him to talk to me."

"He's down?"

"He barely said anything all day. It took a while to get the story out of him even down here."

"What's the problem?"

Hikaru shook his head.

"Come on Sulu, tell me."

"No," Hikaru said. "It's private." A fraction too late he remembered to add, "Sir."

The captain frowned. "Lieutenant Sulu, as captain of the Enterprise, I am responsible for the combat readiness of the crew. Your information could be vital to me in that role."

Hikaru set the plant down and said, "Sir, with respect, I don't believe his mood will affect our combat readiness."

The captain gave Hikaru a noble look and said, "I must insist, lives may be at stake."

Hikaru said, "Sir, you didn't even notice."

The captain sighed. "I can't believe you won't tell me. Well, if he's too down to participate in a fire fight with some giant, gravity free, iceberg you'll have no one to blame but yourself."

"Yes sir," Hikaru said.

Kirk drummed his fingers on the lab table for several seconds then burst out, "I want to know Sulu. I like him too."

Hikaru sighed, then shoved his plants away, crossed his arms, and said, "Off the record?"

"Sulu," said the captain in a hurt voice, "just talk to me."

"Okay," sighed Hikaru. He glanced at the door to make sure it was shut, a reflex, because all the doors closed automatically. He spoke quickly, like he felt guilty. "Apparently, there was some design challenge in engineering. A couple days ago, Mr. Scott threw open his office door, and screamed, 'Pavel Chekov is a bloody genius.' That's how Pav found out Mr. Scott liked his design."

"Scotty always says he's really talented," laughed the captain.

"Apparently not everyone agrees. Pav said people kept looking at him and whispering."

"Jealousy, I get it all the time."

"Yeah, but you're pretty isolated from the consequences of what people think. He's awash in it. Some of the ensigns said there was no way he should have won, and accused Mr. Scott of favoritism."

"They're brave," laughed the captain.

"Or stupid. They did it right there on the floor, in front of everyone. So, Mr. Scott assured them he had carefully evaluated all their work. 'I saw them, they're crap,' was how he put it."

The captain grinned. "They're lucky I wasn't down there. I'd have been more direct than that."

Hikaru continued, "Mr. Scott asked Mr. Keenser's opinion of the relative merits of the proposals. He looked the ensigns up and down, said, 'Not Pavel,' and walked away."

Hikaru waited until Kirk stopped laughing to add, "You're not the only one who thinks it's funny. 'Not Pavel' is now officially a buzzword in engineering. Everyone loves it, except Chekov, who is mortified, and the involved ensigns. That's a problem, because one of them is a girl."

"I can help with that," the captain said eagerly.

"Yeah, I doubt you've had this problem." Hikaru said. He paused, and then added thoughtfully, "I think he really liked this one. He'd asked me twice if I knew who she was. For Pav, that's tantamount to a gorilla beating his chest."

The captain laughed harder. Hikaru continued, "Yesterday she, and some of the other angry ensigns, found him in the mess. He was happy, he thought things were returning to normal. However, it turned out they just wanted another chance to explain how much they resent him. He was pinned in, so, he sat and listened." Hikaru paused, and then said angrily, "One of them poured a drink on him."

The captain's smile disappeared and he sat up straighter. Hikaru continued, "The guy said it was an accident and wiped at his shirt like he was a little kid. Everyone laughed. Pav said he had to ask a few times before they let him leave, and when he finally got up to his quarters someone had dumped a drink on his bunk too. Three of his bunkmates are from engineering."

The captain sighed. "I'll get Giotto to look at the security vids."

"Don't bother. He said it won't help his life to get them in trouble, and anyway, annoyingly, that's not what he's upset about."

"Wait, wait, wait," interrupted the captain. "He's alright with someone throwing a drink at him?"

"He's not in favor of it, but he's mostly bothered the girl laughed about it. Oh, and he thinks no one in engineering likes him now. I said, 'who cares?' He said he did, apparently, it's where he goes for fun. Imagine that."

The captain's jaw tightened. He said, "I'll take care of this."

"No," Hikaru said, reaching for the next plant. "Pav wants to ignore it. Usually I hate it when he deals with aggression that way, but this time he's probably right. He says me getting involved would just give them another thing to resent. You getting involved would be worse. We need to let him be in charge of this. He's capable."

"I don't like it," the captain said.

Hikaru looked sideways at his commander. "I said he should have hit that guy with his tray."

"Good," Kirk agreed.

"He says it wouldn't have changed anything."

The captain shook his head and said, "He'd have felt better. I wasn't even there and I want to hit something."

"Me too," Hikaru said. "But he's different."

The captain asked, "So we do nothing?"

Hikaru shrugged, "Not exactly. I had I had an idea. I'm actually kind of proud of what I came up with. I had to be really careful, he'd rather be depressed than patronized. We talked until he felt better and let his guard down. Then I put the real plan into action. I asked him to enlarge one of his sketches for my mother. That's genius, because he'd never refuse my mom, but given the current bunkmate situation, he'll work in the rec area. It's crowded, people will talk to him, he won't be able to brood. Eventually, he'll make eye contact with some tiny blonde yeoman and be Happy Pav again. Until that occurs, I'll get up and go for a couple runs with him. Running is his favorite thing. Sharing it makes him cheerful for hours."

"I had no idea you were such a capable tactician, Sulu. It's a Sad Pavel Protocol," the captain laughed.

Hikaru refused to be embarrassed. "I wouldn't call it that."

"Do you think he'd run with me?"

"Are you kidding? He'd love that. But tell him you're training for the combat team. He won't go if he thinks you're feeling sorry for him. He only accepts support he doesn't notice."

"Okay."

"Want to run with us tomorrow?"

"Sure," Kirk said.

"Great," Hikaru said. "I'm dreading it. I should warn you, Pav has freakish energy."

The captain smiled, "I'm pretty energetic too."

"I hate working out before my coffee. This will work out great. If you take mornings I can force him down to the gym after alpha shift."

"Why?"

"I've been trying to teach him to put his fists up and hit back. Clearly I need to try harder."

Kirk looked surprised. "Sulu, he's good in a fight. He's got this weird ability to be where I need him to be even before I know that's what I want. And he's plenty tough, remember how he broke his nose bouncing out of his seat when we tussled with the Orions? He just jumped up and kept working."

Hikaru considered carefully, then said, "Yes, Pav throws everything he's got into defending what he cares about. He'd never sit still and allow anyone else to be treated the way he was. That's what disturbs me."

The captain cocked his head thoughtfully. He picked up the thick stack of sketches, and paged through them, uncharacteristically quiet. When he finished, he set them on the table and said, "You two do a lot of talking,"

Hikaru shrugged, "It's not usually depressing."

"No, it wouldn't be."

"It isn't always easy being him." Hikaru waited a few seconds and then added quietly, "I tell him it's for Starfleet, that he's required to defend himself, but really, I want him to think of himself as worth the effort."

The captain looked thoughtful. "You are a good friend Sulu."

"He's a good friend to me," Hikaru said firmly.

"You said that when you and McCoy were drinking. You said he reminds you to enjoy life. Do you remember that night?"

"Yes sir," Hikaru sighed, "and I apologize again."

The captain shrugged. "I blame Bones, but do you remember Chekov kept saying that you already knew how to be a good father?"

"I wasn't as drunk as I seemed."

"Yes, you were, but the point is, I made fun of him for it, and I shouldn't have."

"Sir," Hikaru said, "Chekov is a member of the crew, not a child. He would want you to make fun of him just as you do everyone else."

Kirk cocked an eyebrow. He grinned and said, "Uh, thanks lieutenant, but I'm not feeling guilty. I mean I shouldn't have made fun of him because he was right." He paused, and then said, "Sulu, I would never have handled this so well. I would have blown up, probably gone down to engineering and busted some heads. I would have felt better, but he would have felt worse. Chekov's lucky, and, I think your kid will be lucky too, that's all."

Hikaru blinked in surprise, said, "Thank you sir." He fiddled with a plant and then asked, "Do you really believe that?"

Captain Kirk said cheerfully, "Sure. You'll be a great dad, then eventually, you'll be a great captain. It won't be for a long time, when I don't need the best helmsman in Starfleet, but you will. In the meantime, I have decided we can be co-captains of the combat team. Let's talk recruits."


	10. Chapter 9 Plants and Babies

9\. Never Say Shut Up

A Meditation on Plants and Babies

Late April, 2259  
Transporter Bay  
Starship Enterprise

Montgomery Scott smiled and said, "Relax lad, we can't do a thing until we hear from Excelsior, and we'll have plenty of time once we do. You should take a seat."

Sighing, Hikaru stepped off the transport pad and joined the engineers in the control room. He tried not to feel resentful, but he was very eager to get started.

"Are you transferring to the Excelsior?" asked the technician.

"No, it's a stop on my way to Earth," Hikaru replied, then wished he hadn't.

"Earth? From clear out here? Must be a big deal." The man was a little older than Hikaru, who didn't remember ever meeting him before. But it was gamma shift, and he didn't know a lot of the night crew.

"It's a long story," Hikaru muttered.

"He's going to be a father." Scotty explained.

"Really!" said the man. "That is a big deal. Is it your first time?"

Hikaru nodded, and sighed. They were obviously going to discuss it.

"You are going to love it," said the man, leaning back in his chair like he was ready for a good chat. "Boy or girl?"

"A girl," Hikaru replied, trying to sound friendly.

"That's the option we always took. It's the best one, I think."

Scotty laughed. "You didn't want a boy at all?"

"Everyone asks that," the technician said cheerfully. "My girls are perfect. I wouldn't change a thing."

"You have a daughter?" asked Hikaru.

"He has three daughters," Scott corrected. "Isn't that right Donaldson?"

"That's right sir. That's them over there," the technician said, nodding toward a board on the wall. "The little blondes, Lauren, Taman, and Megan."

Hikaru looked more closely. The board was covered with stills of children of many ages and species.

"Has that always been here?" he asked.

"Sure, did you never notice it before?" asked Scott.

Hikaru shook his head. Donaldson said, "Nobody is interested in kids until they have their own. I was the same. Now everything about them fascinates me. Did you know Zor's Bid is the same age as my Meagan?"

"I did not." Scott said.

"Same age exactly. Born within an hour of each other. We are going to get the families together next time we go to a star base."

"Is it regulation to hang up personal holos in a work space?" Hikaru asked.

"What holos?" asked Scotty with a grin. "I see no holos."

Donaldson smiled at Sulu and added, "I envy you, there's nothing like a baby. I'd love another one. I would spend the whole first year just holding her on my shoulder and breathing that unbelievable newborn smell."

"I hope you would set it down for an occasional nappy change," Scott said.

"I suppose I'd have to. It doesn't matter though. My wife says she's finished having babies. Are you taking paternity leave now?"

"No," Hikaru said.

Scott said, "He's just going for the birth, he'll stay two weeks and then come back. He didn't get around to filing for it in time, so his husband's mother will be staying at the house till his leave comes through."

"Yes," Hikaru said. "We don't have a big place, and..." He considered for a second then asked, "How do you know about this? I don't feel like I talked about it all that much."

"You didn't," Scott laughed. "But Pavel did. He updates us regularly."

"Of course, he does." sighed Hikaru and wondered what the Russian word for annoying was.

Scotty laughed, "I think he may be more excited about this baby than you are."

"Ensign Chekov," Donaldson said. "is more excited about most things than anyone else.

Scotty nodded. "We all wish you well Mr. Sulu, but he certainly wishes you well the most enthusiastically."

Hikaru couldn't think of a suitable response. He leaned against the bulkhead and thought that learning the whole ship knew his private plans was an entirely suitable ending to an uncomfortable day.

Yesterday, he'd gotten Ben's com reporting the baby was ready to be born, and gone into a tail dive. Despite Nyota's many reminders, he hadn't arranged for leave. Originally, he'd thought he wouldn't care, and that by waiting, he could accrue more time and make his paternity leave longer. When he'd finally begun to realize he did want to go, he had waited too long to apply. Knowing he had no one to blame but himself didn't make him less resentful.

He'd gone to work angry. Pav had started his usual exuberant greeting, seen his face, and slunk silently into his seat. It had not helped his mood when the captain had complained the baby's failure to arrive on his own birthday had caused him to lose the ship wide lottery. He hadn't cared when Mr. Scott and Dr. McCoy had both arrived for shift change. Nor had he cared when everyone else had lingered at their posts, grinning and whispering. He'd jumped up, eager to leave. Captain Kirk had called him back, and then, in a loud voice, asked for everyone's attention.

As soon as the bridge was quiet, the captain had announced, "Crew, our next mission is an unusual one. I will be sending Sulu to Earth with instructions to retrieve a holo of a newborn human."

"I beg your pardon sir?" Hikaru had said.

The captain had looked delighted. "We need a picture of your daughter. Go get one."

It had bothered him to be teased about something that felt so raw. He'd forced himself to smile and said, "I appreciate the thought sir, but, even if I had leave, and I don't, you can't get to San Francisco from here."

"That's where you're wrong Sulu. You can." The captain had been grinning like a child on Christmas. "It just requires a little imagination. Right Chekov?" Pav had nodded frantically, and given Hikaru an anxious look. Captain Kirk had smiled warmly, reached out to shake Hikaru's hand, and said, "Everything's planned for you. I'll forward an itinerary and a copy of your orders. Do whatever you need to, but be in the transport bay by 2330."

Everyone had clapped, there'd been cheers, and for a tense second, he'd thought Pav might hug him. Then Mr. Spock had stepped from behind the science center and said, "Captain, I understood your intention was to grant emergency leave to Lt. Sulu so that he might attend the birth of his daughter."

"It is," the captain had said, "and I am."

"Then sir, it is not factual to refer to his journey as a mission. He will be on leave. It is not within the scope of your powers to require anything of him."

The captain loved to tease. He'd grinned and said, "You are, of course, correct Mr. Spock. Thank you for reminding me. I forgot myself in my concern for the crew."

"The crew, captain?" Mr. Spock had asked. "Are you referring to Mr. Sulu?"

"Sulu is fine. He's a sensible, sturdy rock. That is unfortunately not true for everyone." The captain had shook his head at Pav, standing beside him. He'd said, "Look at him Spock, he can't wait any longer. This is practically a humanitarian mission." Mr. Spock had raised an eyebrow, and opened his mouth, but the captain had cut him off. "Sulu, if you follow the instructions, and I think we all know you will, you'll arrive in California forty-eight hours from now. Relax, enjoy yourself, whatever, but please, send Chekov a holo."

There'd been more clapping, and many congratulations. He'd been grateful, but uncomfortable with the sudden change of plans. He didn't like surprises. But he had been okay till he got to his quarters. Once there, he'd opened his PADD to consult his going-on-leave list and reality had hit him. Preparing for leave normally took him days. He'd been given seven hours.

He had packed, then remade the schedule for the next month, sent it out, spoken to his relief, notified all his subordinates of the change in his plans, filled out more paperwork, and then had opened his personal calendar to cancel all his other obligations. Of course, no one had answered their coms, or been where they were supposed to be when he went to talk to them. His frustration had grown with every missed connection, and he'd been short with everyone he spoke to. He was surprised he'd managed to control his temper.

Actually, he remembered guiltily, he hadn't. There had been the incident with the plants. In retrospect, he probably had sounded condescending explaining how to rotate them.

Pav had said sulkily, "I understand the basic concept of turning a pot Hikaru. Perhaps, if I concentrate, and consult regularly with your instructions, I can do it correctly."

He'd snapped, "Pavel. I'm in a hurry, I have a million things to do in like three hours. How about you don't talk, and just listen?"

Pav had given him a resentful glance and nodded.

He'd said, "The yellow beaker has fertilizer dissolved in it. You can only use it on the violets. Do you understand?" When Pav hadn't answered he'd repeated, "Did you understand that?"

Pav had asked, "Should I speak?"

"Pavel," he'd said angrily, "this isn't a joke."

"No," Pav had agreed, "it is too boring."

"You know, if you use the blue beaker it will kill them. That, I guess, would be hilarious."

"Hikaru, I understand. Use whatever liquid is on the stand to water the plants on that stand. You gave me three pages of instructions, and you have said it over and over. I can do it. You should calm down, I have never seen you like this before."

"Like what? I am not any way. I care about these plants Pavel. I've had some of them since before Nero. The least I can do is meet their needs. It isn't like I asked them if they wanted to be yanked off their home planet and hauled into space."

"Offered the chance Hikaru, I am sure they would have enlisted."

Hikaru sighed. He had a bad temper. It had been a problem all his life. His mom called them spells, and Ben called them moods, but blind rages would probably be more accurate. They ended quickly but they could be intense. He always felt horrible afterwards, full of regret, because they were so avoidable. Like today, if he'd stopped to think he'd have realized his anger had nothing to do with plants and lots to do with having no control over anything, but he hadn't thought. Instead, he'd gritted his teeth and whispered, "Stop talking."

But of course, Pavel hadn't. He'd said thoughtfully, "Do you think if plants could sign up they would create a benefit package tailored to include days of sunshine?"

That had been the final straw. They'd been standing less than two meters apart in his tiny quarters. He'd yelled, "Shut up Pavel. Why can't you just do what I ask?"

Pav had started to stammer an apology, but he'd cut him off. "I'm going to travel halfway across the galaxy. Anything could happen. Anything Pavel, and it's time you understood that usually means no happy ending. Preparation is all that stands between us and chaos. I am trying, I should have plenty of water in the yellow beaker, but what if I don't? What if you run out and there isn't any more, and,"

Pav had interrupted, to say, "Hikaru, people have babies all the time. Where I come from most babies are born at home, with the grandmothers and a midwife. Almost never does something go wrong. Your daughter will be born in Starfleet's biggest hospital. I know you are nervous, but she will be fine."

"What possible reason could I have to be nervous?"

He'd asked sarcastically, but true to form, Pav had replied seriously, "There are many potential reasons. I suspect it is because the captain surprised you with your leave. I told him you do not like surprises, but he likes them very much, and insisted I not tell you. It is also possible you are nervous to begin several days of complicated travel which, if everything goes perfectly, will allow you to arrive in San Francisco for the birth of your child. Perhaps you are concerned you are leaving too early, or will arrive too late. Perhaps you worry about the delivery, or the baby's health. Or perhaps it is knowing that your relationship with Ben will change, or knowing you will have another person to be responsible for. Anyone would be nervous. Not everyone would express it in obsessive fears that plants won't get watered."

It had felt like Pav had dumped all his secrets out on a table to play with. He probably would have hit anyone else. Instead, he'd hissed, "You know nothing about any of this," and started toward the door, planning to find the captain, refuse the leave, and return everything to normal.

"I did some research," Pav had called after him.

The door had slid open, but he hadn't gone through it. He had turned back and asked, "You did what?"

Pav had said uncertainly, "I asked the computer what it is like to become a parent and I read all the supplementary materials it referenced."

It had been so easy to imagine; Pav wedged behind some machine with a PADD and a stylus, hiding from work to scribble notes to himself about bonding. He'd said, "Why would you do that?"

Pav had looked confused, and said, "I wanted to know. I asked you, and you told me to shut up."

He'd said, "I did not tell you to shut up. I don't say things like that. Maybe, and it is a big maybe, I might have said, 'This isn't a good time,' or something like that."

"Or something like, 'Shut up Pav, I mean it.'"

He'd said grudgingly, "Well, if I did say that, obviously, I apologize. Maybe I am a little tense. I'm willing to concede that the travel arrangements might be bothering me a little."

"They will work."

He'd shook his head, "Again Pav, things often end badly, and this trip could easily do so. The arrangements are nuts. They've got me jumping all over the place. I'll show you."

Pav had shrugged. "You don't need to."

He'd said bitterly, "It must be amazing to be such an ever-cheery optimist, that you won't even look at reality that suggests everything won't be fine."

Pav had frowned and said, "I don't need to see them. I made them."

That had been a surprise. "You did?"

"Yes. It is helpful for humans to touch their offspring immediately after birth."

He'd started to laugh. Pav had given him a hurt look and said, "All the reference materials agree. I became concerned when I realized you would miss such an important opportunity, and discussed it with the captain. He said if I could find you a way to San Francisco he would make it work. It wasn't impossible. There is not much Starfleet presence, but that does not mean there are no ships at all. I looked at passage plans for commercial lines, and supply runs for the Federation posts, even local ferries. I tracked everything that moved in the direction of Earth. I overlapped them and created the best possible route."

It had made sense. Even Kirk wouldn't have been able to pull a plan so complicated out of thin air. He had asked, "But Pav, how did you know I would want to go? Until yesterday even I didn't know how much I wanted to be there."

Pav had said, "I knew you would want to do the right thing Hikaru, always."

He'd been trying to think of a kind way to explain how mistaken he was, when Pav had added quietly, "Things do often end good Hikaru."

He'd only shaken his head.

"They do." Pav had insisted. Then he'd said, "I will prove it. I promise when you return, your plants will be perfect. Tell me what to do."

He'd gone over it all again. Pav had listened gravely, making an occasional note. It was stupid, but he'd felt calmer afterwards, like he'd accomplished something. He needed to thank him. Actually, Hikaru realized, he hadn't thanked him for any of it, not even for the plants.

He looked at Scott. "Did you know Mr. Chekov has been plotting a path to get me to Earth for days?"

"More like a month," Scotty said. "He asked my opinion a few times. He's a clever lad. He thought of things I wouldn't have. Although, it was the captain suggested he use the Excelsior. If that hadn't come through your trip would have been much longer. It took some doing to get her close enough for transport. Fortunately, the captain has some connections."

"Captain Kirk made that happen?" Hikaru asked, with a sinking feeling.

"I was there when he had Miss Uhura make the call. It turns out the captain of the Excelsior is an old friend of his mother's."

And Nyota, almost everyone it seemed. He said, "I owe a lot of people." He had a sudden thought, and said, "You too Mr. Scott, you should be off shift, not here for the transport."

Scotty grinned. "Well, this is exciting. I trust Donaldson but I am not going to let him have all the fun."

"I am willing to share." Donaldson said. There was a low buzz on a screen and both Scott and Donaldson turned to it expectantly. An Andorian face appeared.

"Greetings Enterprise," the Andorian lisped. "This is Excelsior. We are transmitting our coordinates and will be available for transport on your mark."

"Roger Excelsior," Scott said happily. He looked over at Donaldson, who nodded, and began to enter some code into a control set. "Enterprise has received your transmission and will be ready to transport in five minutes." He turned to Hikaru and said, "This is it. Let's get ready Mr. Sulu."

Hikaru picked up his duffel and went to the transport bay. He retook his position on a pad. His stomach clenched hard. He wondered why, transporting never bothered him.

The doors to the chamber opened. The captain came in, followed by Spock, Uhura, McCoy, and Chekov.

"Look who the cat drug in," McCoy said, gesturing to his companions.

Scott said. "If you're here to play cards I'll set up a table."

"You can save the effort, just hand me your credits Scotty," the captain laughed.

Uhura frowned at him, but smiled when she saw Hikaru. "We wanted to say good bye, and we brought some gifts."

"You've got four minutes," Scotty said.

The captain grinned, "We made it in plenty of time. I told you we would."

"No thanks to you," Uhura said dismissively. She turned to Sulu, "The captain needed to fix his hair."

"Bed head," the captain explained. "I don't walk around with bed head."

"I do not know that expression," Chekov said.

"You know what it is though, believe me." Kirk said.

Uhura sighed. "Here," she said, holding out a small, prettily wrapped package. "Slip this in your duffel. It's for you and Ben. Don't worry, it's not breakable. It's teas and lotions. In Kenya, we tend to acknowledge the new parent more than the baby."

"Nyota," Hikaru said. "I am touched, thank you."

She glanced up at Spock, who stood beside her, hands behind his back. He said stiffly, "Vulcans gifts are typically given after the birth, and only within the clan," he said.

"However," Nota said smoothly, "as this child is Terran, Mr. Spock is honoring that planet's traditions, and there's a little teething ring too. It's a replica of a traditional Vulcan style."

"Thank you sir," Hikaru said.

"Thanks are unnecessary," Spock said.

"Know what else is unnecessary? Wrapping paper. This is a blanket." Kirk said, holding out a wadded-up cloth.

Hikaru shook out the little bundle. It was a standard Starfleet issue blanket, though smaller than any he'd ever seen on the Enterprise. He started to thank the captain, but stopped when he saw the insignia on it. "Is this from the Kelvin?"

Kirk nodded.

"Wait, was this yours?"

Kirk nodded again. "I guess. My sister in law sent it. She found it in a dresser they took from my mother's house. I never saw it before. Well, technically I did, but I don't remember it."

"Sir, I can't accept this. It is a piece of history."

"It is a piece of history that was taking up valuable space in my tiny closet. My brother says he's done having kids, and I can't imagine me ever thinking it would be a good idea. Someone should use it. You take it."

Astounded, Hikaru said, "Sir, This should stay in your family."

The captain interrupted, "If it will make you feel better, in the unlikely event that someone ever proves paternity, you can give it back. In the meantime, enjoy."

"Thank you, sir, we'll treasure it. I will be sure to send a holo."

Chekov interrupted excitedly, "And when you do, we will at last know the name, because, you will have said it to her first."

"Pavel," Nyota said, "if you do not calm down I am never inviting you anywhere with me ever again."

Chekov hugged himself to keep from fidgeting. "Alright, alright," he whispered. "I am calm!"

"I'd hate to see you excited," muttered the doctor, who held out his hand and said, "Good luck Sulu, I ordered some of Joanna's favorite story books and had them delivered to your house. I figured that would be easier."

"Doc, thanks," Hikaru started uncomfortably, but Pavel interrupted.

"I did not buy a gift. It is also bad luck to give a gift before the baby arrives. But I have an amazing idea. You will see."

"Pav," Hikaru said. "Don't do anything more. Taking care of the plants is enough, seriously." He paused and looked at all of them, his friends gathered so late at night to wish him well. He said, "Thanks all of you, for the gifts, and for setting up this trip. But also, you've all given me a lot of support the last couple months. You've listened to me, and put up with my," He paused, searched for the right word.

"Drinking?" prompted Pav. Nyota shushed him immediately.

"Moods," the captain supplied. "I had no idea you were so sensitive Sulu. Well, I guess even the most sensible types get gooey for babies."

"I'd say neuroses," mused McCoy, "but nothing you did prevented you functioning."

"Whatever," said Hikaru, and finished, "You've been good to me. I appreciate it."

"Hikaru," Nyota said. "It has been a gift to share this with you. It's given me a stake in your girl. I think we all feel like she's a little bit ours." Nyota said. Captain Kirk smiled, and Pav nodded enthusiastically. Behind them Mr. Spock stared unblinkingly at Uhura, with an eyebrow raised as though he was intrigued.

The doctor shuffled uncomfortably and said brusquely, "Yeah, well, safe travels."

"One more thing," Hikaru said. "Pav, I'm sorry I lost my temper. I don't really have an excuse, but believe me, it wasn't your fault."

Pav looked confused, but pleased. Nyota smiled proudly and nodded. Mothers, Hikaru knew, liked to hear their children praised. He guessed it must be true of self appointed substitute maternal figures too.

"One minute to transport," Donaldson said.

"Alright then, all of you that aren't named Sulu, get back here." Scott said.

The captain shook his hand and then his friends started toward the control room. Pav paused, turned back and threw both his arms around Hikaru, pulling him into a hug.

Hikaru opened his mouth to complain, but closed it, and instead awkwardly patted Pavel's shoulder.

Pav said. "At last, the baby is coming, I am so excited!"

"I know," Hikaru said. "Me too."

"Forty seconds to transport, Pavel get over here." Scott called.

"Now," the captain and Uhura said together.

Pav loped to the control room and leaned out the door, "Everything will be good!"

"Transporting," Scott said.

The yellow swirls enveloped him, and the Enterprise was gone.


	11. Chapter 10 A Discussion in Person

10\. Don't Worry About the End, Enjoy Now

Important Discussions Should be Had in Person

May 3, 2259  
San Francisco, CA  
Earth

The landing was easy, Hikaru waved his Starfleet ID at customs, and walked through. He followed the crowd through the big doors and marveled, as he always did, at how right the air smelled. He found the sign marked 'Inbound 5B' and stood watching the transports pull past. Some of them were red, but none of them were Ben's.

He was watching one in the far lane, thinking that it might be right, when a silver personal transport pulled up right in front of him. The side view port shimmered to translucent. He was surprised to see his mother, who said, "Get in Hikaru."

He climbed in. His father was in the front left position, with his mother next to him. His father turned around. "I hope you weren't waiting long. Traffic is lousy. I keep telling this thing to change lanes, but it doesn't listen. It isn't really even driving anymore since they took out the verbal overrides."

"No, not long," Hikaru said. "I just got here. Where's Ben?"

"How was your trip?" asked his mother.

"Long, but really uneventful. Everything was fine. Where's Ben?"

His parents smiled at each other. His mother said, "Ben is at your home. We'll take you there. He is eager to see you. We have some exciting news for you Hikaru."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He walked through the front door. His sister Yuki yelled, "Hikaru!" and jumped up.

"Where's Ben?" he asked his sister.

"He went down to the farmer's market. He's insisting on making you a salad. We told him we would bring in some take out, but he wants everything to be perfect."

"I think it is a little late for perfect."

"What do you mean? She's amazing. Go see her Hikaru, she's in her crib."

"I'll wait."

"Are you kidding? Come on," Yuki said, and grabbed his hand. She pulled him toward the smaller bedroom.

Once through the door, she dropped his hand and pointed across the room. "Go on," she said.

The room had been painted, the bright, pale green of the earliest spring leaves. There was a rocking chair, and small chest of drawers covered by a pad and topped by a basket of folded diapers. And against the far wall was a crib. He walked over and peered down.

She looks like a doll, he thought, completely swaddled in cloth. Only her tiny face, topped with strands of stringy black hair, showed. He reached out with one finger and stroked her cheek. She wriggled her nose.

"Go on," urged Yuki. "Pick her up. We've all held her. She's great."

He slipped his hands under her. She weighed nothing. Despite the miles of cloth she was wrapped in, she sagged against him. He remembered what Donaldson had said, and leaned her against his chest. He closed his eyes and sniffed cautiously. She did smell sweet, clean, and sweet. He moved to the chair.

"Isn't she amazing?" Yuki whispered. He didn't reply, but shifted the baby down to his lap so that he could see her face.

"Do you think she looks like Ibi?" he asked.

"Ibi? You think she loks like our grandmother? Don't be ridiculous. She looks like you. Everybody says so. The first thing Ben's mom said when she saw her was, 'Babies usually looks like their father, but that child is all Sulu.' We all laughed."

He smiled and stroked the baby's cheek. "Was Ben mad?"

"No, you know his mom, she meant it in a nice way. He thought it was funny."

"Yuki!" their mother called from the kitchen. "You get out here. This is a private time."

"Oh my God, she never stops," muttered Yuki. "I better go."

He nodded but didn't reply. She slipped away. He rocked gently and continued to gaze at the baby's face.

"Hi," Ben said softly. Hikaru looked up and smiled.

Ben knelt on the floor by the rocker and laid a hand across the baby's body. Hikaru leaned forward and kissed him. Ben reached up, stroked Hikaru's cheek and said, "Welcome home."

"How's Renee'?" asked Hikaru.

"Good, it was an easy delivery, she went home and is working on an essay for her writer's club on how empowering it can be to grow a child for your brother and his husband."

"I need to thank her in person."

"You've got years to talk to her about it. Right now she'd want you to keep doing this."

Hikaru rocked gently, and continued to study the baby's smooth skin. After several minutes, he looked up and said, "Ben, I am so sorry."

"Sorry for what? Do you know how happy I am right now? I had accepted you wouldn't be able to come. I couldn't believe it when you said you were on your way. How did you do it?"

"It's a long story," Hikaru said. He thought about the captain calling in favors from across a galaxy and Mr. Scott getting out of bed to see the transport went right. He said, "A lot of people helped, and yet, despite all their efforts, I missed her birth. First, I missed the pregnancy, and then I missed her birth."

Ben smiled gently. "But you got here for this Hikaru."

"For what?"

"For the first time we saw her together." Ben said, smiling at the baby. "This only happens once."

"You are amazing," Hikaru said, and leaned over the baby to kiss him again.

Ben said, "You gotta come to terms with this Hikaru. You can't do everything, and what you do is not going to be perfect. We need to enjoy what we get and not worry about what we should have done or might have done."

Hikaru shrugged, waited a while, and then, said slowly, "She is beautiful. I didn't realize she would be such a person."

Ben laughed. They sat quietly and looked at their daughter for nearly a minute, then Hikaru asked, "What did we name her?"

"What do you mean? I wouldn't name her without you being here."

"I thought we decided when we decided to make her."

"Yeah, but I haven't made it official. I wanted to introduce her together."

"That is so weird," Hikaru said.

"Why?" Ben asked, sounding a little hurt.

"No," Hikaru said quickly, "I mean, that is beautiful, and I appreciate it, but it's weird because for months Pav has been telling me not to talk about the name. He said the first person to hear a name should be the person recieving it. He was so insistent that eventually I gave up even trying to discuss it."

Ben laughed again, "We consulted with the brilliant Pav on baby names. Thank goodness. Well, if he said it, then of course it must be a good idea."

"That's not what I am saying, or anyway, that's not what I meant. It's more like, don't you think it is amazing that I was light years away, and you were here, but independently we kind of reached the same decision?"

"Oh, sure, I see. I didn't think of it that way. Yeah, that is kind of amazing. So, did you change your mind?"

"No. Did you?"

"I've been calling her that in my head for months."

Hikaru nodded, "Me too," he said.

"Okay then," Ben said. "So, did Pav explain how we do it? Is there some kind of ritual or something?"

Hikaru shook his head. "I never thought to ask. How about you count to three and then we say hello and her name?"

Ben nodded, then chanted, "One, two, three."

"Hello Demora," they said together. The baby opened her eyes, still bluish and new. She squinted at them. Hikaru was reminded of Nyota, and the look she gave people who disturbed her.

Ben whispered. "Did you see that Hikaru? She recognized your voice!"

Hikaru felt something clench in his chest. He heard McCoy say again that the baby would steal part of his heart. "She couldn't know me, maybe your voice."

"She knows you. I played your comms to Renee's tummy."

Hikaru grimaced. I bet Renee' loved that."

Ben shrugged, "It worked, Demora knows your voice,"

"Our voices maybe," Hikaru conceded. "She looks like Ibi."

"She looks like you. Everyone thinks so."

"She's both of us," Hikaru said.

Ben smiled and shook his head slowly. He stroked the baby's cheek and said, "Hmm, she's my toes maybe. She is like you. She looks like you and she is strong like you, and I feel lucky because when you have to be gone I will always have part of you, and thank you Hikaru, thank you for giving me this gift."

"We gave her to each other Ben, and if it wasn't for you I would never have even considered doing it. I'm sitting here, and all I can think is that I owe you so much."

Ben shifted to rest his head on Hikaru's arm.

They sat together and watched their daughter. Hikaru said quietly, "I've been worryied for so long, about what I need to do, and how to do it right, but sitting here, I feel at peace."

Ben laughed softly. "Then this is a special day for more than one reason. I thought you'd appear with sixteen lists and a stack of parenting books you wanted me to read."

Hikaru sighed. "If life on the Enterprise has taught me anything, it is that you can't prepare perfectly for every eventuality."

Ben laughed and asked, "Who are you, and what have you done with my husband?"

"You know, on the ship I am considered quite calm."

"Then your crew mates don't know you very well, or they confuse calm with quiet. I used to do that too."

Hikaru shifted in his chair. He looked up at Ben and said quietly, "I did make a list."

"Of course, you did. Is it as complete as Minimal Cleanliness Standards for the Tool Shed?"

"Okay, I apologized for that. This one's just things that occurred to me over the last couple months. Things I think are important, kind of my goals I guess. I want to leave a copy with you. That way, if anything happens to me, Demora will at least know what I intended to do. It's a way she can understand me a little no matter what."

Ben's eyes got soft. "Let's hear it," he said.

"Really?" Hikaru asked.

Ben nodded, then looked at the baby. "Listen close Demora," he said. "Papa does this a lot."

Hikaru smiled, "Often Demora, it is helpful to make little lists to help you keep track of important things you have to do. This is my most recent one. I've titled it, Being a Good Father. I've been working on it so long I can recite it from memory." He took a deep breath and started. "Number one, demonstrate all necessary life skills. Number two, spend all my leave with my family. Number three, pay attention. Number four, update financial information and fix hug thing."

Ben whistled softly. "Wow, seriously? I'm impressed. By the hug goal, not the financial one. I know you. You did that already." He looked at Hikaru closely and then added. "You did, didn't you?"

Hikaru nodded. Ben said, "Well thanks, I didn't even think about that. You're always so responsible. It makes me feel safe. I gotta say though, I don't see however, how hugging and financial stuff got linked."

"This list is organized by when each thing occurred to me."

Ben shrugged. "I knew there would be some organizational theme."

Hikaru said, "Sometime it is going to occur to you that a little organization is good."

"How would you know? You are incapable of a little organization Hikaru."

Hikaru smiled. "To continue my list,"

"Please," Ben said.

"Number five, compromise about mess, noise, food, and Demora's friends, even the annoying ones."

"Wow," Ben said. "I didn't see that coming."

"I am hoping to find a middle ground between retreating to my recliner and punching them. I don't think it is going to come naturally. Will you help me?"

"I'll be full of helpful suggestions babe. You know me."

"I do," agreed Hikaru. "I also know I don't listen when I'm drunk, so, number six, avoid alcohol and don't rush their childhood."

"Don't rush their childhood?"

"Truthfully, I'm not even sure where that one came from, but it's stuck in my head, and I felt compelled to include it. Anyway, number seven, honor your commitments."

"You are always honorable Hikaru, that one is easy for you."

He looked at Ben's weathered face, his soft, kind eyes, and said firmly, "Yes, that one is easy. Number eight is teach her she is important."

"That's easy too. She is important."

"Yeah, well, number nine isn't going to be so easy for me. It's don't say shut up. That's it. I'd like ten, but so far I don't have it."

"You could rearrange number six into two."

Hikaru frowned noncommittally.

"Although, of course that would wreck the organizational theme, so we wouldn't do that." Ben said mischievously. "I am impressed Hikaru. That's great. I think you covered everything. Maybe just this once you could have an odd number of goals?"

"Ben," said Hikaru.

"What?"

"You already told me, and I didn't hear. Number ten, don't worry about endings, enjoy now."

Ben curled his hand over the sleeping baby's head and smiled up at his husband. He said, "I love you Hikaru."

"I love you too Ben."


	12. Epilogue Hikaru Starts His List

Epilogue

How Hikaru Started the List

March, 2259  
Quarters of Lieutenant H. Sulu  
Starship Enterprise

Hikaru was reading another article on infant care. He had tried to prepare for fatherhood as he did other new assignments: by studying intensely. It hadn't working. The articles never seemed to cover the things he was actually concerned about, like, was it possible to be a good example without becoming boring, or, was it normal not to be interested in other people's kids. In desperation he'd done a literature search on indifference to children and been directed to a advice columnist. He was finding her very reassuring.

There was a knock at his door. He hastily closed his PADD. He preferred no one see what he was reading. Once it was tucked away, he called, "Come on in."

Nyota entered, carrying two mugs, and a PADD. "Am I bothering you?"

He shook his head. "Not at all. I was just doing a little reading on, uh, potential helm modifications. What's up?"

"I have a vid I want to show you. I thought you could make us some tea, and we could watch it together."

"Is it long?" Hikaru asked. He'd wanted to finish his research.

"No," Nyota said, shaking her head, "maybe twenty minutes."

"Is it a comedy?" he asked, reaching for the teapot.

"Not intentionally," she said. "I should explain." She frowned and then said uncertainly, "Ben wrote me."

Hikaru froze. "Ben? My Ben?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yes, your Ben. Ben Pak."

"Why would he write you? Has he ever even met you?"

"Hikaru, you introduced us at a reception after the first mission. I enjoyed talking with him very much. We reconnected when I sent him a note after you finally went public with the baby news."

"How did you get our address? Did you look into my personal records?"

"Don't be silly. I asked Pasha."

"How would Chekov know my address?"

"You said he'd been to your house. I thought he might have it written down somewhere."

"And he did?"

"No. Believe it or not, he has it memorized, which was weird, but convenient."

"Oh," Hikaru cleared his throat and gestured for her to pull up the other chair. "He doesn't forget numerical patterns he's learned. It's one of his things."

"Really? He never told me that. Well, anyway, Ben wrote and asked a favor." She paused, took a deep breath, and began to speak a little faster, like she was embarrassed. "I know you said you don't want a shower, or a party or anything, but Ben doesn't agree." She held up her hand when Hikaru tried to interrupt and said, "Wait, hear me out. He's had several. He said he's made vids of the guests talking about how excited they are, offering advice, that sort of thing."

"That sounds like Ben," Hikaru said. "It doesn't sound like me."

"I know," Nyota said. "But he feels badly that there are so few comments directed to you in the vid and asked me to record your friends here on the ship so he could add them in."

"No," Hikaru said.

"It's too late, I already did it, and this is for him Hikaru, not you, so you aren't in charge of it. But I thought you should see it."

"I am not going to like it."

"Actually, I think you might. I'm less sure he will. I really doubt it's what he had in mind. But in some ways, it's perfect, and I couldn't bring myself to edit it. You really have to see it." Nyota looked hopeful, and her smile was mischievous. Hikaru decided not to fight.

"Okay," he sighed. "I won't like it, but I'll watch." She poured while he arranged the chairs at the desk. They took their seats and she added sugar to her tea before turning on the PADD.

The screen opened on Nyota. She was in the observation bay, and she looked beautiful. Her ponytail hung over her shoulder, and the stars shone softly behind her. She smiled warmly into the camera, and said, "Hello Hikaru, it's Nyota Uhura. I am so excited for you and Ben to begin this new stage in your life. I have enjoyed sharing your joy, and I am looking forward to meeting your daughter. I don't think I ever told you this Hikaru, but sometimes when I see you with your plants I think of my father. There were formal gardens on the university where he taught. My own very favorite childhood memories are of joining him there for a walk and tea, just the two of us, while the roses bloomed. I know you will share many beautiful gardens with your girl, and that she will especially treasure those times you see them just with her. Good luck."

The screen faded to black. Hikaru turned to his friend. It was hard, but he said, "That was very nice Nyota, thank you."

"You're welcome. Was it painful?"

"Not as bad as I assumed, no."

"The rest of them are a little less polished, but probably more interesting than mine. I'm noticing that a lot lately. Sometimes, it bothers me."

He said reassuringly, "You are plenty interesting."

"Am I?" she asked. "Sometimes I worry. I'm concerned being efficient, and brilliant isn't enough anymore. We're surrounded by the capable. It's hard to stand out." She dropped her voice to a whisper, "I should warn you. I'm considering incorporating a little zany into my own life."

"Woah," he said. "Please Nyota, if you go eccentric who will I have to share striving for unrealistic perfection with?"

She laughed. "Maybe I've been on the Enterprise too long. You know how competitive I am. I want to be unusual too."

Relax," he said, "your, you know, romantic situation is plenty unusual. That's enough."

"Good point," she said. "You might be right. Very reassuring, thank you, and, speaking of which..." She turned to the screen.

Spock was in a room aboard ship. It may have been his own quarters, Hikaru had never seen them and wasn't sure. The first officer stood in front of an undecorated bulkhead and looked into the camera with one eyebrow raised. Off camera Nyota's voice said softly, "Go on."

Spock raised the other eyebrow. Nyota said encouragingly, "It is the custom."

"Very well," Spock said. He sounded slightly uncomfortable, but only slightly. He looked directly into the camera and said in his normal voice, "Lieutenant Sulu, I acknowledge your decision to become a parent and offer any customary congratulations."

"And do you have any advice you would like to share?" prompted Nyota softly.

"Miss Uhura, Mister Sulu is an adult, and is, I assume, capable of caring for an infant. Further, as I have had no experience providing for a human child, it would be inappropriate for me to offer suggestions." Mr. Spock said stiffly.

"Well perhaps, a memory, something you remember enjoying doing with your own father?"

"Sarek provided for my physical needs. He offered intellectual stimulation, and supervision as necessary. I hardly think Mr. Sulu needs to be instructed on the usefulness of these experiences."

"No, maybe not," Nyota said wearily. "Thank you, Mr. Spock."

"Thanks are not necessary," Spock said.

The screen faded. After a few seconds, Hikaru said, "Ben will treasure that."

"Thanks are not necessary," Nyota said. "Just keep watching."

The next shot was in security. Chief Giotto was at his desk, arms folded, back ramrod straight, frowning intently at the camera. A group of his officers stood behind him, a smirking wall.

In a voice that sounded like he had been rehearsing for sometime, Mr. Giotto said, "Lieutenant Sulu, on behalf of the security division of the USS Enterprise, good luck with the upcoming uh, blessed event." Hikaru leaned forward and stared more intently at the screen. Improbably, Giotto seemed to be blushing. Behind the desk, one of the lieutenants started to snicker, the crew members on either side of him grimaced, trying not to laugh. Giotto scowled, and growled, "Hey, I'm talking here."

"Thank you, sir, maybe could you include some personal advice, or uh, something?" Nyota sounded tentative.

"Personal?" barked Giotto. "I hardly know the man."

"Yes, you do chief, Asian guy? He helps with self-defense classes all the time," one of the young woman behind the desk said.

"I know who he is Cooper, but he's not my pal." Giotto managed to make the term sound derisive. "He's not bad as goldies go, but I don't know him well enough to give him advice."

"You don't really know me, but you're always giving me advice," one of the young men said.

"Advice is optional Rudolph, what I give you is orders, and your life's going to improve when you learn the difference." the chief said, but without fire, he was clearly thinking of something else. Behind him the entire group of redshirts were now all laughing quietly, hiding their faces behind hands, and clearing their throats.

"What's so funny?" asked Nyota.

"He called Lt. Sulu a goldie on the vid," Rudolph said. The whole group laughed.

"Edit that out Uhura." The chief said.

"What's a goldie?" asked Uhura.

"A yellow shirt," explained Cooper. "You know, command track?"

"Why would that be a problem?" asked Nyota.

The security crew looked at each other, and laughed harder.

"I got it," interrupted Giotto. "Here's my advice. Sulu, you always do that fencing thing where you wait for your combatant to be ready. That is weak. Knock it off." The chief leaned back in his chair and smiled.

Nyota said, "I meant advice for the raising of a baby, or a personal memory."

Giotto looked horrified. "Oh, then I got nothing."

"You got our unending loyalty chief," said Rudolph sarcastically.

His companions lost all control, and laughed noisily.

Giotto turned and yelled, "Shut up!" The officers did, immediately, and returned to quietly grinning. Shaking his head, Giotto turned back to the screen. "Sulu," he said, "I take it back. Here's my real advice: under no conditions allow your baby grow up to be Rudolph."

The screen faded to black to the sounds security officers choking with laughter.

"And please, don't allow that," Nyota said.

"I promise," Hikaru replied.

The next shot showed the captain, seated in one of the conference rooms. He drummed his fingers on the table and looked bored until Nyota prompted him that she was ready. Then he sat up, smiled winningly into the camera and said, "This is Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. I'm happy for this opportunity to congratulate Hikaru Sulu and his husband Ben Pak on the upcoming birth of their child. Mr. Sulu is chief helmsman on the ship, and a good friend. Sharing the wait for his first child has been exciting for all of us. I am looking forward to updates over the coming months, and eventually to meeting Miss Sulu." The captain smiled even more warmly into the camera for several seconds, then looked up over the screen and asked, "That was good, don't you think?"

Nyota sounded a little cool. "It was fine."

"Fine? I think I was great," the captain said.

"Like that's a surprise? It was fine, a little generic, but fine. Why don't you add something personal?"

"I said he's my friend, that's personal. Do you mean like, mention that we play cards?"

"As I outlined in the memo you were supposed to read, I mean advice or a memory, something like that."

The captain threw his arms out and asked, "Do you realize who you are asking this of? Think about it Uhura, what treasured father son memories could I possibly have?"

"You know," Nyota answered, sounding annoyed. "I refuse to believe you don't have a single pleasant memory of childhood. You make everything about you. This is for Sulu. You could try a little bit."

The captain shook his head. "Everything I enjoyed as a kid could get you arrested. Is that what you want? Fine, let's do it again." He peered back into the camera, put another big, perfect smile on his face and said, "Hey Sulu, Kirk here. You're going through with this parenting thing huh? Well, don't bother locking the doors, she'll figure out the windows open too. You should know, when she says she's meeting friends for flag football at the vacant lot, she's not. Also, when things disappear, check the pawn shops. Good luck." He smiled at the camera and then up at Nyota. "Better?" he asked.

"You're impossible." she said, and the screen cut to black.

"Did you know I was his good friend?" Hikaru asked. Nyota huffed.

The screen opened to a shot of Mr. Scott, standing with Lt. Keenser by a Jeffries tube. Engineering stretched out in the background. Scotty said stiffly, "Congratulations Mr. Sulu, you are a fine officer, and a good man. I have no doubt you'll be an excellent father. My own favorite memories with my dad all happened at rugby games, so my advice is to take the wee one to some sports." He smiled widely.

"Perfect," Nyota's voice said.

Mr. Scott looked pleased and said, "I read your instructions, they were admirably thorough."

Keenser looked up at him. Scott frowned and said, "Don't start. I don't need to be more specific. I think the man can figure out for himself what sort of sport he enjoys." He looked over at Nyota and asked, "Ought I to say 'not fencing?' I would think that would be obvious." Keenser turned his head away. Scott seemed to find the motion offensive and said angrily, "Even you should be able to tell that two grownups prancing around in costume is no sort of sport. Children like a rugby match. Plenty of action, that's what they want."

"No different." Keenser said.

"No different? Did you say no different? One is rugby, one is fencing. They couldn't be more different. One is a sport and one is basically dancing. If you want to go dancing fine, but there's no need to prance about with your head in a birdcage."

Keenser made a grunting noise. Scott shook his head. "Well, you've ruined everything." He looked over the screen and said to Nyota. "We're finished, it's no use trying to have a discussion when he's in a mood like this." The screen faded.

Hikaru said, "If you decide to go through with becoming eccentric, I think I know who you should apprentice with."

On the next screen Leonard McCoy was sitting in his office. His scrubs were rumpled, and he looked exhausted, like it was the first time he'd sat down all night. He frowned at the camera, actually probably at Nyota behind the camera, and said, "What the hell sort of advice could I possibly give Sulu? I'm a lousy father."

"Doctor," Nyota said kindly from off camera. "Joanna's a charming young woman."

"Charming?" McCoy said angrily. "Her teachers don't think so. She got booted from another high school."

"She's high spirted perhaps."

McCoy muttered, "High spirited? How about just high? She and her girlfriends came drunk to a school dance. My ex claims it's my fault. I say, thanks to her, I wasn't around enough to set a bad example."

"Did you prepare something for the vid sir?" Nyota asked hesitantly.

The doctor sighed, then sat up and looked at the screen. He stretched his mouth into a morose smile and said, "Sulu my friend, congratulations on the birth of your daughter. It's..." He paused, sighed, and then started again. "Children are..." He rubbed at his eyes, and then said, "Look Sulu, I can't pretend it's always easy, but I can tell you, no matter what happens, you'll never be sorry. Good luck. I'm here if you want to discuss anything. I'm not sure how good my advice will be, obviously, but it's freely given." The doctor sighed again and cocked an eye at Nyota.

Nyota said, "I'm asking people to include a favorite memory or suggestions of things to do."

"Favorite memory?" McCoy shook his head slowly. "There's so many. I liked 'most everything about my own childhood. I tried to recreate it for Joanna. I didn't suceed too well, but I loved seeing it all again through her eyes."

The doctor looked thoughtful, and then continued, "I guess if I had to pick one thing, I'd maybe say fishing. I did that lots with my daddy and I do it fairly often with Joanna." His expression grew more pensive and he added, "Well, I used to. I remember the long walks down the road to the fishing hole. She'd talk the whole way, and I'd just listen. It was always my favorite thing. I bet Sulu will like that too."

The PADD darkened. Nyota glanced at Hikaru. "Okay," he said. "I'm not hating it."

Nyota smiled as the screen lit up again.

She must have caught Danessk just after she filmed McCoy. In contrast to the older physician, he looked neat and well rested. His scrubs fit like they had been tailored for him, and accentuated the muscles in his long, strong legs. He smiled at the camera and said, "Hikaru, I wish you every happiness with the family you value so much. I am sure the little one will be beautiful and talented, like her father. Good luck to you."

"Do you have any favorite childhood memories you'd like to share?" Nyota's voice asked.

Danessk laughed, perfect teeth flashing in the light. "No," he said firmly. The screen faded to black.

"Can you imagine him as a child?" Hikaru asked.

Nyota looked at Hikaru speculatively and said, "I almost didn't ask him to participate."

"Why?" Hikaru asked. "He's a friend. I know him better than I know Mr. Keenser. We don't really spend that much time together, but he's a friend."

She looked away, and said, "You spent a lot of time together for a while there. Some people said you were, you know, involved." When Hikaru didn't respond, she added, "I didn't think that of course, but, I wasn't sure I should send his picture to Ben."

He suspected she had been less certain than she suggested. "You have nothing to worry about," he said. He didn't say any more, and after a few seconds Nyota turned the screen on again.

Janice Rand was in Nyota's quarters. Hikaru recognized the wall hangings. She smiled and said, "Hello there future Sulu spawn. You picked a good guy for your dad. He'll be strict, but it could be worse." she looked like she was going to continue, but her communicator interrupted with the tone that signalled a message from the captain. "What now?" she muttered, as she reached for the device.

"This is Yeoman Rand," she said politely.

"Hey Rand," came the captain's voice. "How many of these are actually essential?"

"They're all essential." Rand said. "Are you in your quarters? Don't move." She slammed the comm closed and started to the door. She called back, "Sulu, my advice is, do not let your kid think enlisting in Starfleet is a reasonable alternative to an education."

"Yes ma'am," Hikaru said, as the screen went dark.

Nyota smiled, then laid her hand on his arm, and said, "This one's my favorite."

Pavel was in his own messy room. He had his feet on his desk and swung back and forth in his chair until Nyota said she was ready. Then he sat up, looked directly into the camera and said, "Congratulations Hikaru and Ben, I am so happy for you."

He looked questioningly over the camera, to Nyota. She said, "Offer them some advice."

He shook his head.

"Come on Pasha, be a good sport. What advice would you offer Hikaru as he becomes a father?"

He shrugged, "Control his drinking."

"I am going to kill him." Hikaru said.

"Wait," Nyota said, still staring at the screen.

"I am finished?" Pavel asked hopefully.

"No, it's not long enough," Nyota's voice said, "especially after I cut out the comment about drinking. You know perfectly well Hikaru doesn't drink to excess. If you can't come up with some decent advice, say something personal, you know, like share something you enjoyed doing as a child."

Pavel wrinkled his forehead, and then said, "I loved to be with my grandmother."

"That's a good start, be more specific. What made them fun?"

Pavel began to swing the chair again. He smiled and said softly, "She was sober."

"That's not funny," Nyota said disapprovingly, "and I am cutting that out too."

Pavel rolled his eyes, then put his head back, and stared at the ceiling. Still rocking, he said thoughtfully, "Do as you think best. I do not understand this vid anyway, to me it seems so stupid. Hikaru does not need advice."

Sounding irritated, Nyota said, "Why can nobody on this ship just do what they are told? It's to let their little girl know her father was thinking of her even before she was born. It's a lovely idea, and you should be honored to participate. Now sit up. You're going to do it again. Think of something interesting you can say."

Pavel sat up obediently, but said, "It matters what Hikaru does, not what he thinks. Their child will be lucky."

"Okay! See, that's great! Now explain why you think so," Nyota prompted.

Pav shrugged and looked exasperated. He said, "Because I know them."

"I need a lot more detail than that Pasha, and by the way, you know Hikaru, you've met Ben. You're using the word incorrectly. The way you said it implies a relationship."

Pav gave Nyota a resentful look. Hikaru suspected she didn't notice. She corrected Pav's Standard often enough that he assumed she'd grown immune.

Pav said, "I do know Ben. I spent time with him when we were in dry dock."

"Really?" Hikaru asked, and on the vid Nyota repeated the question.

"Yes," Pavel replied. "After Hikaru left to train on the new shuttles, Ben called and invited me to dinner. I almost said no. We had met, but as you said, I did not really know him." He leaned forward and added emphatically, "yet."

"Fine, I'm sorry, you do know Ben," Nyota said.

Pav continued, "He offered to teach me to cook. He said in exchange I could tell him about life on the Enterprise."

"Doesn't Hikaru do that?" Nyota asked.

Pav laughed. "Miss Uhura, Ben had no real interest in our ship. It was an excuse, something he said to keep me from being embarrassed. He was taking over for Hikaru."

"Taking over what?" asked Nyota.

Pav looked embarrassed. "You know what it was like after the first mission. Hikaru kept checking on me, calling, or stopping to see me. He always had excuses too, but I knew. When he left, Ben took over."

Hikaru ignored the admiring look Nyota gave him. On the screen, her voice said, "What did you talk about?"

"Many things, his work. He knows a great deal about San Francisco. He ran us all over the city looking for things to cook, and talked all the time. I enjoyed that. When he did ask about the ship, he said I made it sound more interesting than Hikaru did."

"I bet," Nyota laughed.

Pavel grinned and added, "His favorite part was when I explained what a hero Hikaru is."

Nyota laughed harder, then asked. "What's he like?"

"He is like Hikaru, but more outgoing, and perhaps more sensitive. He is not as tidy. Actually, he is not at all tidy, I did all the dishes. Oh, and he is much, much wittier."

On the vid Nyota laughed and asked, "How exactly is he like Hikaru?"

Pav smiled. "They are both kind."

"So, that's why you think their little girl will be lucky?"

Pavel looked at the ceiling again. He took a few seconds before he replied. "In their house is a drawer full of small things. Just trinkets, and rocks, but each thing is wrapped in tissue like a treasure. Ben explained that Hikaru sends him something from every place we go. It is chosen carefully, but why is not always obvious. When they are at last together, Hikaru explains each one. Ben said, each item is a story that just the two of them know, and he cannot bear to part with any of them. Can you imagine what it would be like to have someone love you that much?

Pav glanced over at Nyota's camera. "Perhaps you can," he said. When she didn't reply, he shrugged and said, "To be surrounded by love and kindness is lucky."

Nyota's voice off screen sounded thick. "That was lovely Pasha."

Pavel looked back up at the ceiling and rocked. Nyota said softly, "You are not just smart about math, you know that right?" Pavel rolled his eyes again.

She continued, "I thought you would have more trouble with this."

"Your instructions were very specific," Pav said. "When the captain wishes it, I address the whole ship, why would I have trouble being on your vid?"

"No, with Hikaru becoming a father."

Pav looked thoughtful. "People say that to me often. I don't understand, why would I care?"

"I think the assumption is you might find it hard to share Hikaru."

"Share him? The baby is theirs, he will be sharing with me."

"I thought, well, some people would think a child might mean he'd have less available for you."

Pavel laughed, "No, more, because a child is another person. An addition makes a greater total every time, provided of course, the variables are positive. You can trust me on that, I was a mathematical prodigy."

"And you know a few things about positive," Nyota said.

Pavel smiled, but looked wistful. After a few moments, he asked, "Do you really believe I could resent Hikaru's child?"

"No, not when you put it like that," Nyota said, "but I know you value your relationship, and we both know it will change after he is a father. It would be normal to feel worried."

Pavel nodded and continued to rock slowly.

Nyota asked gently, "Are you worried?"

He looked at her thoughtfully. Finally, he said, "When Captain Pike picked me for his alpha crew, I knew many people resented it, resented me. But I wanted to fly, so, I was quiet, and tried not to bother anyone. Do you understand? My best hope was to be tolerated."

Nyota started to interrupt, but Pav continued. "Hikaru wouldn't accept that. He talked to me until I answered Nyota. Others followed, but he was the first. He's made everything better for me, everything. I would never resent anything that made him happy."

He squinted at Nyota and then added, "I am not just saying that I am happy, I am happy."

"So happy," prompted Nyota.

Pav's expression brightened. "So, so, so happy," he agreed, throwing out his arms.

The screen went dark. Nyota took a sip of her tea and waited. Hikaru stared at the screen a few seconds and then said, "I would like to have a copy of that. Thanks, Nyota, I," He paused, then asked, "Why is Ben always right?"

"Well, he is more sensitive than you, and much, much wittier."

Hikaru smiled, but didn't reply. After a few minutes, Nyota said, "How sweet is our Pasha?" Hikaru still didn't respond, instead, he reached for his own PADD.

"What are you doing?"

"I want to make some notes."

She looked over his shoulder and said sharply, "You are not going to make a to do list for the baby?"

Hikaru shrugged and opened a page.

"How is it," asked Nyota, "that you are under the impression this is not weird? It is Hikaru. It is very weird."

"Send me a copy of the vid. I will attach it to my list. That way, when I need to, I can look at it again," Hikaru said. Nyota still looked uncomfortable, so he added, "I'm doing it my head already. It's more organized if I write it down. Also, if something happens to me, they'll go through my stuff and find it. At least the baby will know what I planned to do, even if I don't get a chance to do it."

Nyota continued to stare at the PADD doubtfully. "Look," he said. "You went all over the ship asking people to give me advice, why is it weird for me to organize my advice for myself? It isn't, right?"

"No, it definitely is." Nyota said.

"I got to be me Nyota," Hikaru replied, and wrote, "Being a Good Father" across a page.


End file.
